Robert has been having an affair to escape his loveless marriage, so when his wife is pronounced dead and filed away in the Morgue, he is somewhat ecstatic.
He is less so when she comes back home...with fangs.
This was it. The moment he'd waited for.
"...Sir? Are you alright? These instances can be quite distressing, but we need an answer"
There she lay on the metal slab in front of him, pale and a little bloated. She was wearing that particular dress that he loathed on her, and in death he could finally say how horrendous it looked. Her cherub lips were parted slightly- in death, she looked innocent. She probably had gone to heaven- she was just the type of devout to make the cut.
The medical lady sounded empathetic. He was fighting to keep his lips from twitching.
He lost the fight.
Beaming, he replied.
"Yes, yes, that is de-fin-itely her."
"Oh. Would you...like a moment?"
"Christ, no," he breathed. He checked himself, it wasn't right to act like this. They'd think he'd killed her or something.
He turned a little awkwardly to face her again. What could he do? What should he do?
"Betty, darling. Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish and all that."
He leaned down and kissed her on the head, and shook her hand.
The medical staff eyed him a little suspiciously.
"...Well. As you know, her death wasn't in the most normal circumstances. You're acquainted with the details?".
"Yes," he chirped.
The lady flicked through her notes.
"She was found in an alleyway, dead, by someone stumbling home from a pub. We're yet to conduct a post mortem, but when we do, we'll pass the details on to you as soon as possible and if we can, return the corpse so you can conduct a funeral. Okay?"
"Okay! Well, pleasure to see you Doctor, I hope to hear from you soon."
He shook her hand with gusto, and made to leave. He just about resisted clicking his heels in the air as he left.
As soon as he was out of the door, he had his phone out, and the number he knew too well was dialled.
"Janet, it's Robert."
"Oh god, you're not cancelling on me tomorrow because Betty wants you to watch X-Factor with her again, are you?"
"No. I never will be again."
He let her pause, he could almost hear the cogs whirring through the phone.
"Never again...? Robert, you haven't done something stupid have you? Because if you have..."
"No! Gracious! No. Someone else has done it for me."
She attempted to hide the glee in her voice, but although muffled, it still came through.
"That's morbid," she continued, "Are you okay?"
"Okay? I'm better than okay! Come over, tonight!"
"I don't know...shouldn't we respect the dead, or...how did she even die? Won't they be investigating you?"
"I don't know or care, dear, because I didn't do it. Now..."
They continued to chat the whole walk home. When they'd finished, Robert had just about reached his door.
Walking down the path, he allowed himself to jump in the air and click his heels.
Free at last.
Now alone, the Mortician frowned, thinking of how the latest corpse's husband had reacted. She'd have to file an official note- he did seem suspiciously happy about the death of his wife. But surely he would have tried to cloak it if he had in fact killed her? Or ran before he had a chance to identify the body?
She sighed. It was a long day, and it was always better to not question the cases too much.
Shivering in the cold of the Morgue, she went to pull the sheet over the women's face, when she was distracted by the cross she was wearing round her neck.
She smiled. It was always warming, even to an atheist, to see that those who had died thought they were off to a better place. She went to touch the necklace.
In doing so, she slightly ruffled the neckline of the women's top.
There, she saw...
No, it couldn't be.
Regardless, she left the Morgue in a hurry and somewhat spooked.
She would be more so the next day when the corpse was found to be missing.