"I was looking for you," Spencer said as we walked to school.
I kept as far away from him as possible without looking too strange. Not that it helped. I felt so strange that it probably translated on my whole appearance. So I just looked down at my feet.
"Um, I missed the bus."
"Oh," he said. "Then you found Travis?"
"He found me," I said softly. He didn't seem to hear.
"Look, Nicole," he said, grabbing my hand.
I'm not Nicole.
"I'm sorry about last night," he said.
I tried to look like I knew what he was talking about. I must've looked like an idiot, trying to decide whether to look upset or relieved about his apology.
He began to speak again. "I mean, I understand your decision. I know that I can't do anything about it, but you just never gave me a choice in this. I don't want to break up with you, Nicole. I love you."
I could've sworn my heart stopped.
"You're breaking up?" I asked him as if it really was his relationship, and not mine. Wait, it really wasn't mine. But it felt so much like it. It even made me feel like I always thought it would.
He seemed confused. "You broke up with me, remember? Last night?"
"What? No - "
His face lit up. "What do you mean 'no'?"
"I didn't - I mean, I'm not breaking up," was all I could come up with. I didn't regret it and it made me feel sick.
He smiled at me and it just made me feel worse.
"I love you," he said.
I wanted to make him take it back. But I wanted it so badly at the same time. I knew he was waiting for me to say it too. I couldn't.
You don't love me. You don't even know me.