I had just gotten inside my room when I heard the familiar sound from my laptop. I climbed onto my bed and checked who it was from. It was him.
Spencer Greene: hey there. what's up?
Ivy Singer: the ceiling
Spencer Greene: kinda lame, Ivy, but okay. I've got news for you.
I've got news for you, too.
Ivy Singer: what is it?
Spencer Greene: wait. be right back.
Ivy Singer: sure.
It was funny how my life always seemed a world away from his. He was very much alive. I was dying and running out of time. He didn't know that, though. He didn't need to.
Spencer Greene: i love you
My heart stopped and I tried to read it several more times. Then, just as sudden as it had stopped, my heart started racing. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. Then I slowly began to type: I love you too.
Spencer Greene: oh, truck. sorry! i must have had the wrong window.
I hit backspace. I think it was the longest backspace I've ever had to take.
Ivy Singer: haha. it's okay.
Spencer Greene: whew. look, Ivy, i have to go. why don't i just talk to you tomorrow.
Ivy Singer: okay. bye.
Spencer Greene: okay. goodnight.
Spencer Greene is now offline.
I signed out and put the laptop away. I buried my face in my pillows and tried not to think, not to feel, not to hurt at all.
Pain can't phase me. I have lived with pain. Pain is nothing.
But I couldn't get what had just happened out of my mind. I felt sick. How could this small thing affect me so strongly when I had learned to not feel anything for the longest time? I hated myself for being more hurt by Spencer's rejection than by actually hearing I was going to die.
It just didn't make sense, and there was nothing I could do about it. So I rolled over to lie on my back. I closed my eyes. I pretended everything was the way I wanted it to be.
"I love you, too," I whispered to the empty room.