With fond memories of our last holiday together, I am penning to you this correspondence on Tuesday, the thirty-sixth of April. I pray the post delivers it expediently, as it contains a message of utmost importance for you.
As you may recall, I have been conducting experiments for some time in my humble lavatory-laboratory; experiments of great scientific merit. Just this past eventide, I discovered a way to transport a pomegranate great distances instantaneously. However, I must refine the trajectory as the fruit awakened my slumbering chambermaid in the next room and caused her much distress. Nevertheless, I expect these marvelous “X-rays” contain powers unimaginable that I have only begun to harness.
I am sure you find this all to be a terrific bore. Indeed, the true nature of this letter is to request your company at my Chestershire chalet three weeks hence for a private demonstration of the device. Please respond with haste.
The Illustrious Vernor P. Walthamstone