Yesterday was so delightful. My heart was singing through it all. There was no dream in the night time but Arthur can now make reality seem like one whenever he wants to; and whatever he wants, I want.
Whoa! I sound like I want to be him! I've never disregarded my opinion this much before. What's happening to me? I'm ... changing...
At midday, I found myself leaving the house to go to the park. I didn't know where I was going when I headed out so I told my parents I was just going out and just found my feet taking me to where they wanted to go. At the lock, I stopped. I sat down and waited for Arthur, guessing he was the reason for my actions.
"Morning, Harriet," he said cheerfully from behind me.
I started. I hadn't noticed him.
"Fall backwards," he said in a gorgeous voice.
I found myself falling towards the ground but discovered Arthur was positioned perfectly so I landed across his legs which were crossed underneath my back. He'd been sitting very close. I looked dazedly up into rainbow-coloured eyes and felt even more dazed.
"Did you have a good time yesterday?"
"Yeah," I replied simply, as I found my thoughts were a jumbled mass of incoherency.
He leant down and I leant up and our lips met in the middle. I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted my body to sit upon his laps as his legs uncrossed.
When the kiss finished, I stood up and helped Arthur to his feet. I led him over to the bridge which crossed the river flowing into the lock. I turned my back to the lock and sighed at the view of the peaceful river with willow trees on both banks and the various swans, ducks and geese which swam in it before my gaze rested upon the stretch of sky across the horizon in front of me. I was contemplating life as I did: the beauty of my own life, the horror of the lives of the impoverished and the tragedy of war.
"What are you thinking?" Arthur murmured in my ear, tickling me slightly as his warm breath touched my skin.
"Oh, I was just thinking about life. Quote from the mind of the pensive girlfriend: ‘My life is perfect'."
"Quote from the mind of the inspired boyfriend: ‘Mine is too'."
I turned to face him and found myself asking, "Am I good enough for you?"
"Of course you are, princess," he replied, leaning in to kiss me again.
"I was scared this morning," I murmured as I gazed back across the murky yet calming waters beneath and beyond me.
"What of, my precious?"
"I found I said something which showed evident neglect of my opinion. It was as if I wanted to be you, follow your will instead of mine."
"Hm, maybe you were confused. Perhaps you wanted to be mine, instead of me."
"Yeah, that does seem to make more sense. But I still wanted to follow your will."
"You wouldn't want to argue with me," Arthur said, looking confused.
"It's good to feel I have the choice, though. It's an aspect of free will."
"But you don't have free will, my sweet. You surrendered to me, remember."
I looked at him sharply. "That was my heart's surrender. I don't want to be feel subjugated."
Arthur realised he'd dug himself a hole. "What I meant was... What I meant to say..."
He sighed, defeated. "I actually did think your will was mine," he admitted.
"Oh, Arthur. You don't want that. And I'd be horrified if I wasn't sure that there's some innocent, well-intentioned explanation."
I stroked the side of his face. "My heart belongs to you and that's all that matters. If you had my will, you'd be uncomfortable because you're so decent."
"You're right," Arthur said. "Your will is your own and I'm lucky to have a girlfriend who is willing to have her heart permanently open around me."
But I want to own her.
Oh, poor Arthur. He must feel so ashamed for making himself looking like an evil, oppressive boyfriend. My heart goes out to him.
On the bridge, Arthur was talking possessively in between kisses. I didn't mind as I might have done earlier since I felt that belonging to him was a special, enviable experience.
"You're mine, Harriet Thyme," he murmured, "and when you're Harriet Mes., you'll still be mine. I won't let you out of my sight for one moment. We'll spend every moment together; just you and I, the prince and his princess and we'll love it because we'll belong to each other. I'll look after your heart as if it were my own, and it will be my own because you conveyed your love to me and expressed the desire for your heart to be fully mine when you surrendered it to me. I won't let you down, my princess."
He kissed me, evoking sweet pleasure and wonder from me, before stroking the side of my face, saying, "Trust me, my darling. You won't be safer in anyone else's arms or more treasured by any other owner of a love-filled heart. I'll lock you away in my heart and no other place will give you more delight."
He gazed adoringly into my eyes and I imagined that the promises repeated themselves in my mind, strengthening the chains he was binding himself with. I knew he was binding himself to a guarantee of commitment and loyalty for me.
I tied ropes around myself which would ensure I never left her or mistreated her. I was making myself committed to the relationship, binding my fate to Harriet's so that she might be inspired to do the same. I wanted her to acknowledge my ownership of her, to declare she was mine, and totally mine and always mine: of her own choice mine.
She said nothing. She looked awed by the powerful images I was using and flattered that I wanted to care for her so much but she didn't see beyond the action to the motive, didn't realise my true intentions. I was frustrated and distraught. I want her for life. I want to be sure she'll never ever let me go. I want her to be my proprius: my non-hypnotised, enamoured slave.
"I will love and look after your soul," was the final thing he said.
I was suddenly disturbed. "My soul?" I whispered.
Arthur nodded. "I'll make you feel so safe that your soul will be inspired by my devotion to you."
"Arthur, I don't feel comfortable with you talking about the deepest part of me. Just in the way that it's untouchable and invisible, it's inaccessible. I'm truly flattered by your concern for me but promise me you won't bring it up again."
Arthur looked sad. "I only wanted to convey the depth of my feelings for you."
"I know, darling, and I'm astounded, but ... there are things which distress me when discussed. Too much powerful imagery or walking thin lines along boundaries and it becomes scary."
"You have boundaries?"
"Yes. Everyone does."
I wouldn't feel comfortable being violated either ... but I just want her to be totally relaxed and fully herself around me. I suppose I'm a hypocrite because initially, I didn't inform her of my hypnotic abilities but ... I just want her... More than anything in the world.