Well, yesterday was a total dud. I have no idea what got over me, but ever since William and I had that fight in the woods, I've been totally off. I mean, first of all that guy just popped up out of nowhere and scared the living hell out of me and then he just tried to see my face as if he has the privilege to do so whenever he wanted - yeah, no!
Once I got into that argument with Sissi, I just couldn't bring myself to just stop it and shut up. I could tell both her and Giselle were pretty surprised, since I never actually went that far with them before. I would always end up backing down in the last minute and I never actually even tried raising my hand on Sissi, but yesterday, she just...ugh, struck my last nerve I guess! With all that took place in the morning, Sissi was the cherry on top for my crazy cake.
As I walked through the halls, the next day, ignoring the many stares I was getting, I thought about all of this. My forehead had been wrapped in a white bandage and my head still hurt like hell. I knew I had hit it pretty hard back in the cafeteria, but I made it seem like it was no big deal, so the nurse didn't do too much to help.
I also ended up getting into a lot of trouble. I had to spent at least three periods in Principal Delmas's office getting this huge and boring lecture that had of no use to me, because as I've said over and over before, I've done nothing wrong! People everyday are getting bullied by b*tches like Sissi and Giselle and everyday all those Principal's and guidance counselors are telling the victims to speak up and fight back, to do something to keep themselves from getting further hurt and that's just what I was doing!
'God, it's all just a bunch of bullsh*t, anyway, Saph,' I reminded myself. 'Just forget about it; you'll get back at her, anyway.'
I walked over to my locker to find Odd Della Robbia standing flat out right in front of it, waiting for me. I wasn't going to let him get to me though, after all he was the one who lied and ratted me out to Jim. But, then again, it's not like I expected him to say the truth anyway. I mean, he's Sissi's boyfriend, there's no reason why he should've stuck by me anyway. No reason at all.
I ignored him as best as I could, but it was getting kind of hard because his eyes never left my face and it was making me feel nervous, very, very nervous. My face burned up and I could feel it growing a bit damp.
"What?" I finally asked. "What is it that you want?"
"I'm sorry you got hurt and in trouble because of me." he said quietly.
I stopped taking books out of my locker and turned to face him with an eyebrow raised. I narrowed my eyes and tried to scrutinize just what he meant by that. There was pure honesty in his eyes though, so I just dropped it - my gaze, I mean.
"It's fine." I told him simply.
"But, aren't you.... Aren't you mad at me?" he looked almost disappointed by that.
"Not really, no." I answered him, giving a small shrug.
"But, why?" he sounded so confused and that only confused me more.
"Do you want me to be mad at you?" I asked, indigently.
"No, of course not, but-" I cut him off.
"Then we're done with this conversation," I sighed deeply and started rummaging through my locker once again for something to write with. "Look, what Sissi said - it was all true; she was just stating the facts."
"So, it's true? All that seriously happened to you?" he seemed surprised now and even a little concerned, but like I said before - I wasn't gonna let that get to me; no how, no way.
"Yup! Why?" I turned to face him sideways. "Don't you believe your precious little girlfriend?" I mocked.
"Well..." he seemed almost uncertain about that and I just couldn't bear to hear the rest of it, so I jumped in again.
"Then we're good."
I shut my locker loudly and turned and walked away. As I walked towards my first class of the day, I started wondering why, why wasn't I mad at him? Sure, it was Odd's fault that I had a week of detention and a huge wound on my head, but I just didn't feel like blaming him for all of that. I felt like it was Sissi's fault. And Giselle's. And mine of course. But, not Odd's. Why was that?
After that I started wondering what the h*ll he even saw in Sissi. Why didn't he just break up with her? They were probably almost into phase four of their relationship, so why couldn't he see that she so wasn't the girl for him? Why couldn't he see that she was a total b*tch and that she wasn't worth having around?
But, wait a minute - why the h*ll do I care for? Why the h*ll am I caring about what happens with him or not? I don't care! Besides, Odd deserved this for being so stupid and actually agreeing to go out with Sissi in the first place. After this, maybe he'll think twice before actually agreeing to go out with someone he barely knew. So, wait, did that mean that what Sissi was doing with him was the right thing? Wait, what?!
'God, why was I was so confused over all this when it had absolutely nothing to do with me?!' I wanted to know oh so badly.
I was so deep in thought with all of this that I almost slammed my head into an open locker, but I ended up stopping myself just in time as the first bell rang. I went straight to class as fast as I could before it could ring for a second time.
-♥- -♥- -♥-
I was sitting in Geography, doodling in my notebook, as the teacher went on and on about the different types of maps there were and the ways for reading each one. Odd sat next to me and I could feel his eyes on my notebook. Normally, I would've blocked my hand in front of my drawings if anyone else were to look at them, but I was just way too lazy to do the same right now. It no longer mattered to me what he did - I had way too much in my head to deal with him - as long as he kept his distance and didn't try talking with me again.
"You're a great drawer." he whispered to me.
"Thanks." I replied back curtly.
Odd opened his mouth and looked like he was about to say something more, when he was cut off by the sound of a knock at the front of the classroom. I breathed a small sigh of relief and looked up briefly to see that it was Mr. Delmas. I quickly averted my eyes before he could catch me looking. I could feel his stares burning a hole into my head as he spoke with Mr. Hutchinson though. I knew Mr. Delmas didn't like me too much because I was always fighting with his daughter and I was always disturbing him by hanging out in his office when I should have been in class. But, I knew for a fact that he would never expel me - he couldn't even if he tried and believe me, they've been trying since forever. I knew the teachers that hated me were starting to wear him down and soon he might start considering sending me somewhere else.
But, that was something to worry about for later on and besides I had ways to get to Mr. Delmas to do as I wanted. They weren't good enough for him to take my side over his daughter's, but they were strong enough to get him to keep me at Kadic.
Mr. Delmas gave me one more stern look and this time he kept staring until I looked up and right at him before handing Mr. Hutchinson a few papers and bidding the class goodbye and good day. Mr. Hutchinson immediately stopped explaining the purpose of the map key and started talking about the pink notices in his hands.
"As you all should know by now students, Winter Break is coming up and I have the notices in my hand for the kids that won't be going home or away for vacation."
That got me thinking of whether or not I should go back to New York or not. I certainly wasn't going back home, but I did miss the USA sometimes. I could stay at a motel or something. I wrinkled my nose at the idea of that.
Last year for Spring Break, I stayed back at Kadic and it was pretty fun. There weren't too many kids left, but the few that were stayed back and we actually ended up having a lot of fun. Mostly I just skated around the school, got my exercise and listened to music. After a while, though I had to admit, it got pretty boring. I was used to being alone, but just not that alone.
"But, for those of who you will not be going this year," Mr. Hutchinson continued. "It won't be the same for you as last year. This year, you'll be given work to do or have to go to tutoring, which will be provided for you on campus."
The stuff about the extra work was enough to get me to completely change my mind.
'Uh, no thanks!' I thought to myself. 'I get enough work during the school days, I do not need anymore.'
I sighed and stopped doodling for the time being. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Aelita looking up at the board. I tried calling her, which got me very weird looks from Odd, but I ignored them. When Mr. Hutchinson handed me a notice - without even asking me if I needed it or not - I immediately balled it up and threw it at Aelita. I had pretty good aim, so the pink flyer hit her directly on her light pink pixie cut. She immediately flinched up and looked around frantically.
"Aelita!" I hissed at her.
"What? What is it?" she still had a frightened look in her eyes and I kinda felt bad, but I tried not to let it get to me.
"Are you going?" I asked her. "You know back home...for the break?"
"I don't know, I guess. Beats staying here and doing unnecessary extra work," there was a light glint in her eyes as she said that. Usually Aelita was in love with extra work, but I guess hanging out with Jeremie - though he's an even bigger nerd than she is - is starting to turn her a little more fun. "What about you?"
"I'm not sure," I answered truthfully. "I really don't feel like staying here and I have nowhere to go back to - New York's just so not an option anymore. So..." I trailed off, trying to rack my brain of a possible destination.
"Ooh!" Aelita suddenly cut in, smiling so bright it made my heartache and think of the past. "What about Aliyah's place?"
Oh yeah, I had totally forgotten about Aliyah, my favorite cousin. She lived in New Jersey and it's been too long since I've last seen her.
"Yeah, sure, that sounds great." I told Aelita.
She gave me a sweet smile and I knew she expected one back, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I turned my head back towards the board, knowing that I had upset her by doing so. I watched out of the corner of my eye as her smile slowly withered away and she too then turned her head around to look back at Mr. Hutchinson, who by the way, had noticed nor heard anything at all.
I pretended to be interested in Mr. Hutchinson's continuous lesson, while really I was thinking about Aliyah and wondering if she'd still treat me the same way as she's always has or would things be weird around us now that I was like this. I remembered Aliyah once mentioning that she really hated suicidal emo people like me, but I had no other choice! I couldn't go back home and I certainly couldn't stay here.
Not to mention the fact that there was a chance that Odd was possibly going to end up staying back as well, since he had carefully folded up the pink notice and stuck it in his bag. There was absolutely no way I could stay back if he was planning to do the same. I had nothing against him or anything, I just didn't like the fact that he had such an...interest in me. He was the new kid and he knew nothing about me and my past - except for a few bits and pieces that were offered to him by the courtesy of Sissi, of course - but other than that he was a stranger to me and my life and I could tell he wanted to know more - know everything - there was about me.
And though it was weird, I sometimes felt like just blurting out my whole life story - or well the parts that the rest of Kadic know about - to him, even though it was such a stupid idea, I was sometimes so totally compelled to do so by my oh so stupid thoughts! It was just to set him straight, of course, but then what if he felt like I was looking for a friend or companion in him and he tried to get close to me and enter into my life and then I ended up getting close to him and I didn't feel like giving him up? What then? That wasn't possible. That wasn't going to happen. No how, no way, was I gonna let that happen.
Sigh! I was going to go to New Jersey for the Winter Break and I was going to think all these things through and set my priorities straight. And then I was going to come back to Kadic once the break was over and go back to living through the same old routine I follow everyday. Yep, that's the way things were gonna go.
That was the way I planned them, but did it really go as the way I wanted them to? No way. Maybe if it did I wouldn't have been in this kind of position today.