Ever since my huge breakup with William, guys kept thinking that they could just start lining up and asking me out just like that! They never once gave me the time of day and just when I started going out with an older and popular guy, they finally deemed me as good enough? I mean, how stupid was that?!
Like seriously, is it really that hard for their tiny little brains to figure out that I'm so not looking to be in another relationship right now? Did I really look like I was desperate enough to go out with anyone just because my boyfriend happened to cheat on me with my two best friends?
Finally, one day, I decided that I've had enough of all this crap and that it was just the time to end it all already.
'Drastic times called for drastic measures...or something like that.' I thought to myself. A light bulb practically flashed over my head as I was suddenly hit with a brilliant idea on how to end all of this boy trouble. I knew that there was only one thing for me to do to make the guys leave me alone for good and that was change - a little or maybe even a lot of change!
It was on that same day that I decided to go out and do a little weekend shopping. Before I lost my nerve and decided against the whole thing at the last minute, I ran out of my room and outside. I jumped the fence as I usually did when I wanted to go out but was locked in and took a bus to the mall, where I went hunting for a new appearance.
After buying some new shirts, jeans, skirts, and shoes along with a new brand of makeup, I went on ahead to the hair salon pair of the mall. There I told one of the workers just what to do with my hair and for a few seconds she just stood there, confusion written all of her face, but I just stood patiently and stared back with a serious look on my face. She shrugged then and got down to work.
By the time I got back to Kadic, the sun had begun to set and I knew that Jim was going to go out soon and check on all the rooms to see if everyone was in there or not. He did this routinely and usually I was in bed by seven forty five which was fifteen minutes early before Jim came around. I knew I'd have to be extra careful getting back today in case Jim caught me sneaking around in the halls; if I made even the slightest mistake of being seen, I was done for.
I rushed into my room as fast as I could, making sure the hallways were clear of all people and that no one had seen me. I checked the alarm on my desk top drawer, it read: 7:52
'Great, that gives me about eight minutes.'
I dropped my shopping bags on the ground and walked over to my closet. Getting down on my knees, I started going through it looking for as many empty shoe boxes and hangers that I could find; I was never one to throw away things like that. I found about eight to ten of them in total and started haphazardly folding and stuffing my old clothes and accessories into them. It took me most of my time, but it was still worth it. Next, I grabbed a hold of two shopping bags and just shoved them in, doing the same with all the other bags.
It was at 7:57 that I heard the loud thumping footsteps of Jim coming up my hallway. As quickly and quietly as I could, I took off my shoes and kicked them into the closet, shutting the doors all in one minute. I ran over to the light switch and flicked it off. I jumped right into my bed and covered my face with the comforter just as Jim opened the door to my room.
He stood there for a few seconds, probably raking his eyes across my bedroom. I kept still, breathing in and exhaling all at the right times, even though this was my first time doing something like this. Even though I was assumed as the bad girl at Kadic, I tried to keep my "bad-ass actions" to a minimum around Jim, because I knew he could be less forgiving and more temperamental than Principal Delmas.
After feeling satisfied after a couple more seconds, Jim shut my door with a loud creek and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
"Tomorrow will be a new day," I said to myself as I lay staring up at my ceiling. "Tomorrow it'll all change for the better." and then in a smaller voice, I added, "I hope." before shutting my eyes and falling asleep.
-♥- -♥- -♥-
Like every weekday, I would set my alarm clock to ring at 6:30 in the morning and usually in the mornings, I would get so pissed at it, I'd sometimes end up slamming it against the wall until it shut itself up, but today was different. Today I jumped up happily and flicked it off with my own hands.
Unlike all of the other students here at Kadic, I didn't have a roommate, thanks to special advantages that I had required in the past, so I was glad to take out my new outfit for the day and get started.
I finished off my new look with some of the new makeup that I had bought the day before and stood in front of my mirror with a satisfactory smile. I glanced over at my alarm and saw the new time: 7:30 a.m.
"Looks like it's time for breakfast, Saph," I said to myself. "And also time for everyone to see your new look."
I grabbed my bag and creaked my door open. I looked around first, left and right, and up and down the hall, making sure there wasn't a single person out there before setting out towards the cafeteria.
'Good, everyone's at breakfast then. That means they can all get together and see me, instead of it being an individual thing.' I gave myself a mischievous grin in front of the glass of the trophy case to assure myself one more time that what I was doing was the right thing.
As soon as I set foot in the cafeteria, I swear everyone and everything just froze up. People stopped what they were doing to turn and stare at me with mouths open and eyes wide. If this were to happen to me on some other day, I probably would've ended up blushing like crazy and running out of there, but for some reason today, I felt...brave.
I grinned wide and proud back at everyone and strode over to the table where all my friends sat, waiting and staring at me the same way as everyone else. When I was in front of them, I found them all in their usual positions; Aelita seated next to Jeremie and across from them sat Ulrich with Yumi practically on his lap, except for today that is.
'She's probably just running a little late,' I told myself. She was my closest friend, even though Aelita and I were related, and I loved her to pieces, so I really wanted her to be here for me now, instead of having to find out about my new look from someone else. I didn't like it and I knew Yumi wouldn't either. 'Her little brother must be troubling her again,' I assured myself. 'She'll be here soon enough; don't worry so much, Saph.'
"Saph...ire?" Aelita was the first to say. She didn't look like she recognized me or that she really wanted to, but when I gave her a small smile and wave, I knew that there was no denying it now - this was me. Saphire. Saphire Stonez. For real.
"Hey." I greeted them all.
"What did you do to yourself?" Her voice was coated with horror and there was disbelief written all of her face, as if she still thought that I was still joking.
"Oh nothing really," I said nonchalantly. "Just added a few changes to my life, is all."
The guys didn't say anything really and just stared back at me as if I had grown three extra heads overnight. I shrugged it off and shifted my weight from foot to foot, looking over the cafeteria. All had gone back to normal, but there were still some people staring and whispering about me.
I scowled and hoped they could see it. Didn't they know it was rude to stare? And talk about someone in their presence? But, then again, this was high school and in high school, not even the politest people couldn't help being rude to the freaks.
"Hey, everyone," I heard a voice quip behind me. I turned around and came face-to-face with Yumi; thanks to my new shoes, I no longer had to look up at her; we were now the same height and I could tell Yumi didn't really like it that way too much. She hadn't seen me yet, since she was too busy making a face and staring at the group that was sitting in front of her. "Sorry for the delay, Hiroki, the little brat, turned off my alarm again. Hey, what's the matter with you guys, you look like you've just seen a ghost or something."
I smiled a little at that. The guys were all quiet and even looked a little pale, like they actually had seen a ghost.
'Did I seriously look that bad?' I wondered to myself. And then thought, 'Wait, was that a good thing or bad?'
Finally, Yumi looked over at what they were looking at - me, to be exact. Her whole expression changed in under a second then. Her eyes popped out and her mouth fell open.
"Whoa! Saphire?" she squinted her eyes as if she was trying to look under all my makeup for my familiar face, which probably was. "What the hell happened to you?"
"I just decided to take control of my life again and change my appearance and standards a little to keep the guys from hounding me day and night." I said in a matter-of-fact way.
Yumi just gave me this weird and exasperated look, but didn't say anything, which I found odd. But, then I figured she probably thought I was going through a phase and would be over this soon enough.
Yumi took a seat next to Ulrich and I slid in next to him on his right, still smiling brightly at my little group of friends. For a while, no one said anything. There were still a lot of people that were shooting glances at us - well, mostly me, from the other tables, but I paid them no attention and just focused on my friends and what their thoughts on all of this.
I knew Ulrich, Jeremie and Aelita were all still pretty shell shocked and didn't know what to do or say about any of this, but Yumi was taking this differently. I knew she wasn't mad at me or anything, but I knew she did think that I was taking this farther than it needed to be taken. And I didn't want her thinking that or trying to convince me otherwise.
"Look, Yumi, I know what I'm doing may seem stupid right now, but I can guarantee it'll work. It's only for a little while and who's know, maybe I'll find a guy for myself just like you and Aelita have." I tried not to allow myself to sound jealous or let my voice break while saying that. Even though it was completely unfair that while Yumi and Aelita both hadn't cared about William or was depressed as I had been and they had someone to hold themselves up while I had nobody like that. Well, I had nobody that cared for me and not just my "pretty face".
Yumi narrowed her eyes. "Do you seriously believe that you can pull this off?"
I frowned at what she was saying. "Yumi, I know I may not have the experience, but practice makes perfect and I know I'll get it in the end."
Yumi Ishiyama did not dress like most of the other girls at Kadic. Though her life wasn't as hard as she made it seem like, she dressed in all black attire; she was Goth though, not emo and she made sure everyone knew that. But, it wasn't like Yumi was at all experienced in the ways of the depressed either; I mean, she didn't even listen to emo music, so what made her think that she could just tell me that I couldn't handle something like this?!
I tried not to let my anger show on my face and just breathed deeply, trying to calm myself.
I've always liked Ulrich the best, because he was good at picking out emotions and who felt them at what time. So, I was glad when he spoke up and broke the icy tension between Yumi and I.
"So..." he trailed off though, which caused me frown again. He didn't seem like he was about to make a joke or anything to lighten the mood, he seemed like he was about to ask a question, but he was afraid of saying it out loud. "Are you planning on staying like this for forever now or is this like some one time thing?"
I tried not to make a face at him and answer him as cheerfully as I could.
"Yup!" I gave them all a fake grin, but one look at Yumi immediately broke my spirit. "Probably," I added meekly. "I'm not sure yet."
"Well, what are you going to do about all your other clothes and stuff?" Jeremie was smart to point out.
I thought about that for a moment, it hadn't come across my mind before, so I wasn't quite sure how to answer him. But, it didn't take me too long to figure out what to do with them.
"Hmm...I'll probably just donate them all to charity or something." I went back to smiling at them all.
Jeremie nodded his head and then continued on eating. That seemed to set the barrier and cause everyone else to get back to what they were doing previously. No one else said a word after that or even dared mutter another question, and I was content with that.
The girls were especially quiet and I frowned at what they must've been thinking. Both Yumi and Aelita knew me like no one else and they knew something that Ulrich and Jeremie did not. They knew what I knew. And even if they had new guys in their lives now, they've had their share of pain as well as I've had and they've had to live with the same burden of what happened a month ago.
-♥- -♥- -♥-
After that day, I thought that maybe turning into this type of girl, things would change for the better. But, who knew that I would actually end up making things even worse? My sudden appearance only gave Sissi more advantages; her teasing only got worse, because she now had two things over me: my heartbreak and my new look.
But, I should've known better or at least thought it out a little more before actually going out and doing it. There weren't too many Goths at Kadic and not even a single emo there, so I was basically like a new toy for Sissi to try out. She always somehow ended up finding all my weak spots with one push and she would end up going farther and farther, hurting me more and more. My life as like this big game with unlimited levels for her to try and break and the more she hurt me, the more points she got.
The first part of my phase caused me to grow even more vulnerable and it didn't really do anything about the boys; they still sought after me and that only made things worse. On one side, I had Sissi pushed me deeper and deeper into Hell and on the other side I had the constant bickering of the boys asking me the same stupid question over and over again in my ear: "Will you go out with me? Huh, will ya? Come on, Saph, one date, that's all we ask for. Come on, come on, come on!"
"Shut up!" I finally screeched out one day.
But, I was in my room and not in the cafeteria where my constant torture took place. I was breathing heavily and my throat burned. That day I made another drastic decision and this one seemed to help a little. It didn't necessarily make Sissi stop, in fact, it only made her happier.
What I decided this time was: I would keep my face hidden. That's right, no one was allowed to look at my face ever again - not even myself, in fact. I didn't care how ugly I got, it would only make things better. I also developed a different attitude; I was angrier, meaner. I was in control this time, the people around me could no longer do or say anything for me!
At first everyone took it as a little contest - whoever got to see my face first and actually got a picture of it, would be the winner. The winner of what? I have no idea. But, it all just made me sick and hate the kids at my school even more.
Yumi thought I couldn't handle being like this, well she was wrong. Because, I actually grew to love the clothes with fishnets and the cool skull designs and the heavy black makeup, as well as the loud, ear piercing music that I listened to all the time now. I even changed my hair, it was still black, but now I had added some cool hot pink and electric blue highlights to it from time to time.
I think I looked awesome and I pretty much didn't care what anyone else thought about me anymore. I know I had said that I was going to change back to my normal self in a few day's time when everything went back to normal, but now I don't think that day will ever come. Everyone had gotten used to me like this now and it would just be weird to go back to being the old Saphire in the middle of nowhere, plus, I don't even think I'm capable of doing something like that.
I've gotten so used to be the Scary Saphire, that it'd just feel useless and abnormal for me to change back into the Sophisticated Saphire. Everyone expected me to stay like this now and this was the only way of living that I knew now. Everything had changed and there was no going back anymore.
No one was going to be able to change me back, not now and certainly not ever. And that's a fact!
Saphire's New Outfit: (I'll make a better one later, when I can(=.) http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFk1CbjZfLUl3NFJHZDhKeUFWcTNHV2cAAAACaWQKAXgAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg