This is the story about lonesome, self-will, anger. How people want to hurt others.
You will blame destiny, god and sit and hide in the warmest place in the earth. You will blame them, everything. But will forget that this everything is you. Somehow we will forget the biggest assigment and only the TV channel reminds us why we had to move.
Sometimes I imagine myself as a movie star, actress who is playing in the movie or that all life is a movie. Once I started to think that maybe we are just the ones who someone is dreaming that all life is already planned. Or we dream something and after death starts something real. Perhaps I thought so because I didnt want to feel so miserable. Whatever it is we all going to burn in different ways.
Camilla and Charles was married like Camilla later will say to her daughters whole life. To Camilla‘s mother Charles didn‘t seem worth marriage with her daughter. She saw something demolishing in him. When they were planning the wedding she told to Camilla that she will not be happy with him and asked to look at him better. Camilla thought about those words but she was charmed by Charles light-heartedness, sense of humour and great plans of the future. She didn‘t want to listen to her mother. She wanted to believe that finally she got lucky too.
Elizabeth wanted some attention from people, men. So all her freetime she spent looking at the pictures of famous acresses/singers and learning how to dress and make up like them. Some clothes she liked to sew by herself. She wanted to become one of them. Elizabeth tried to become well known fashion designer. In her minds she had a lot of ideas how to look how she wants and find a perfect match of course. Her mother always criticised the clothes sewed by Elizabeth. She used to say: „ I dont know“ with long silence in her voice or „good, good“. One the same day she was doing her daily sixties make up and thought: „ I dont know why am I doing this“.
Meanwhile Jessica had wonderful rehearsal with her girls. During the dance she was so into music and felt such a power that she even started to lead to other dancers although Jessica wasn‘t better at all. Those pretty girls were working (thats how Jessica called dancing) for grand show in Los Angeles. They were going to dance together with well-known celebrities and lately career started young singers who wanted to become another Michael Jackson more than anyone else. Jessica with other girls (one of them were Sasha half-sweden, curled hair lady who was always smiling and she was best friend of Jessica and the other girl were Zara black haired mulatto selected during the auditions) were those who experience attention, interest and first steps of fame. Especially Jessica who considered herself as a charismatic person and always tried to look unique or answer to journalists first.
Elizabeth wanted to be something. She couldn‘t stand that every day routine that could take whole her life. She was feeling miserable that she didn‘t do anything for that or did not enough. Elizabeth thought about it very often. She nagged herself with this. She thought so because had heard how her friends were talking about summer plans. where they are going to travel, work or some pictures and memories that they shared. Those things made Elizabeth anxious about her plans. she felt that she must do something fun, laugh, don‘t think about anything, visit places full of people who are thirsty of careless sex and alcohol. She were looking for advertisements for a job in newspapers and world wide web but nowhere wanted to apply. It looked like she doesn‘t want to be happy or do things as she wants. Or maybe Elizabeth was too lazy and spoiled by her family.
Elizabeth was talking with Jen from the next side of the street. She saw Elizabeth sunbathing next to the pool. Jen wanted to console herself again that she doesn‘t know how to live because of her terrible relationship with mother. Well, you couldn‘t imagine that it could be different. When Jen was seventeen or eighteen she became pregnant. Everyone who knew were wondering who could be that poor guy because Jen was a little bit insolent, rigid, bothersome and not very likeable. Some classmates spread a rumor that she was raped. Jen didn‘t have many friends or maybe she didn‘t have them at all. No one wanted to talk with her at school because she had short nerves and always started a fight when someone insulted her. Elizabeth was an exception. Not because she liked her. She just wanted to be nice to all and was a little bit scared of Jen. She was tired to listen how poor she is and how she is sick of her mother. Jen was feeling out of society. No one needs a person like her. After that conversation Elizabeth started to think for contempt about Jen. She despised her attitude, the way she talks, that she is not determined. But suddently, she realised that she doesn‘t have more than her. She didn‘t have a job, she was dismissed from university (actually, she did it on purpose because she hated it. Elizabeth thought that university is a place where you can become more boring and „as everyone else who graduate university“and it won‘t bring you millions. She wanted to have her own fashion house and university prevented her from setting up a bussines.) and was almost dependet from her mother who always tried to „show the better way“.
Jessica was at the party after „All stars“ concert. Now those girls were called one of the best girl dancing groups. At the party Jessica wore long blue dress with naked back. She was feeling real star so self-confident. Even though, her outfit wasn‘t the most impressing according to fashion critics and there were bigger stars than her. During that evening Jessica was flirting with Harry, drinking champagne, laughing and enjoying that gets a lot of attention. Harry was the member of the hottest band right now called „Breslau“. Jessica knew and met many guys. To most of them she used to be in a relationship or just spend another party together.
The only thing that Elizabeth could accept in her life was William. A 33 year old investment consultant tall, blue eyed, fair hair man. He was her ideal prince who always dressed with white shirt and black or blue trousers and suit jacket. Elizabeth was charmed by his confidence, he was real macho who always knows what to do. But he had a little problem. William was married. But Elizabeth didn‘t expect that their relationship could even exist as a couple. Well, deeply in her mind she thought that maybe he will be so in love with her that William just leave his wife. But everytime they met she felt satisfaction of the present. She didn‘t want to think what will going to be or think about the future. She was at that moment. They met each other at Elizabeth‘s home. William had to do some bussiness things with her father. In her fathers office often were a lot of unknown persons. Her father Charles knew many people but probably he couldn‘t call them firends. Because Elizabeth have never seen none of them at his birthday or holidays.
Elizabeth‘s and William‘s first meeting was in his car near former Elizabeth school late evening. Elizabeth told her mom that she is going to see Jen ( she was the only person who Elizabeth could really lie about) in her house to watch a movie. The mother was unpleasant.
- Now? It‘s 11 pm – said nervous mom.
- Yes, now – answered Elizabeth.
- Why do you need to sit in her house through the night? Maybe that movie wouldn‘t be interesting?
- Shut up mom. Can I just do at least one thing that I want?
After these words Elizabeth left. While she was walking to her secret she thought about the words that she said to mom. Elizabeth realised that she shouldn‘t be so strict and shout on her mom. There is always a possibility that those words could be the last. Because you can never know and it‘s always too late. Even though, Elizabeth wasn‘t thinking about apology she just knew that when she will come back will speak and behave well. Elizabeth saw silver car near the school‘s stadium. She got in the car. They were staring at each other. Elizabeth was feeling strange all the time but William didn‘t seemed to. He acted like he is innocent and it‘s a normal date. The thing that she really adored was that she was feeling calm near him. He was a man. Thats why Elizabeth didn‘t care anything else. William praised Elizabeth that she looks gorgeus then they were talking about how he played in cricket team and how Elizabeth is going with her fashion business. Other time they were spending kissing, kissing and kissing.
Their dates weren‘t often. Sometimes they wrote each other short messages on the phone. She liked to wrap her arms around his neck. He was satisfied that Elizabeth is ok with this situation and not asking more. She was enjoying too because she really liked the time spent with him and William was much better than other guys who was interested in Elizabeth. His jokes, wittinesses everything appealed to her very much. William could make her feel what it is to live.
About Elizabeth‘s career it‘s better to say that it never was such a thing than it was. She tried to sell one „little black dress“ and white field shirt with black leather trousers. One teenage puffed up girl wrote that would like to see her clothes. Elizabeth thought that maybe now everything will move forward. When they met Elizabeth saw tall lady with make up and brown hair tied into a ponytail. The disgraceful girl started to look carefully at every hem like she understood somenthing about it. She tried on dress and shirt with trousers shaked head and asked questions like how professional are you at sewing and how many years are you doing this or is this cloth irons well. The teenage girl wasn‘t nice and polite at all. She scowled and was quiet. She said that will think about it and if decides to buy it will write. Elizabeth knew it that she didn‘t like the clothes and she introduced herself as a tailor not strongly. Actually some works of Elizabeth wasn‘t the best cuality because she wanted to end the work. Sometimes she got confused if she wants to be a designer or to be recognized. But Elizabeth still knew that creating makes her feel complete, safe that there could be no other life way for her. She tried to send some sketches to designers, fashion houses and clothes shops but she didn‘t get the answers from them. One of them wrote that her clothes are way not high fashion but are too poor, banal and simple sewed to be sold in shops. Everytime when she thought that something good will happen that maybe this time somewhere shows an unexpected event, problem that ruins everything. People or Elizabeth is not as they should be.
When Elizabeth was about 8 or 9 years old she and her sister sheltered a black cat with white paws. The girls called a cat Marsey like a main character in their favourite TV series. Once the cat whelped two kitties. When they grew up a little bit Elizabeth with her sister tried to catch one of them and keep it like they kept Marsey. But the kitties were easily frightened and every time the girls came closer to them they hided somewhere.
- That minute is the hardest when you can even smell the taste of your goal but suddently it withdraws , escapes from you like it doesn‘t want to be with you at all. Or destiny tries to tell you that it‘s not for you but you don‘t want to admit it and still keep trying. It seems that all the biggest powers are against you, - thought Elizabeth after another unsuccessful attempt to be noticed.
Now Jessica was in a relationship with her manager George. He was middle- aged british man with dishevelled hair and arogant face. That evening they were having a dinner at celebrities frequently visited restaurant „Red Rooster“. After a dinner they were spotted by photographers. Jessica was smiling because thats how she understood that now she is a celebrity, a person who people are interested in. George didn‘t seem to be in a good mood when he saw the photographers. In fact, he was masterful and always seeking that everything would be as he wants. Later, she with the girls had few performances on the big stage. They danced in many TV shows that are watching thousands and thousands of people in America. Girls rehearsed the dance by choosing a new song first and then staged the dance. This method was Jessica‘s idea. She had wonderful feeling of rhythm and sense what song should be chosen. That‘s why producers, other dancers, choreographers who helped them with the dances (although, Jessica always tried to do everything by herself) were really charmed with her moves because Jessica never attended any school of dancing. More famous and achieved people saw her as a person who are very professional and respects other workers who helps them with their shows.
Now Elizabeth was only thinking about her career. She wanted to become something so much that sometimes she become irritable, angry and started to shout on everyone who said „something annoying“. She couldn‘t stand that noone understands how she feels. That words like „don‘t be like that“ or „look there are many people who are much worse than you“ put her in worse situation. It looked like that they not even trying to understand it. Just pushing away it because there are no such thing as mental state. She was screaming inside.
Elizabeth needed to sell clothes that fashion house or even a shop would sew her clothes and she could be presented as fashion designer and open her fashion house. At last, she gained some courage and sent some curriculum vitae‘s to work with designers. It was almost empty. She just mentioned about school graduating, sewing skills and attached a portfolio with her clothes. Elizabeth was living in the same routine and losing the last hope when she got a call from“Pink tin“ clothes designing and selling company in London. Spokesman invited Elizabeth to an interview. He told her that their company is interested in her sewed clothes and would like to hear more about her experience. Elizabeth was so excited. She started to dream how the interview would look like and what she is going to talk. She even thought how she will work there and finally will be calm about her future. But first of all, she needed to say to her parents that she will go to job interview in London. They didn‘t know well that Elizabeth is serious about sewing. Her mom didn‘t say much. She was surprised but she understood that a job for her daughter in the capital would show her something different than this small town. The father just asked „what ?“ „are you crazy?“ but didn‘t say anything else or anything more clever. He never showed a big interest in family problems. When that day came Elizabeth couldn‘t focus. She was nervousing her whole body was shuddering. She was driving by bus more than 5 hours all night. When she got there Elizabeth saw huge city and felt bigger nothing that she never felt before. At the company she saw 3 more girls waiting for the interview. One of them was way older than the others and wasn‘t very talktative. The other was very tall, blonde girl who was smiling and asking everything to each competer. The third girl had very long fair hair , seemed to be very tender. The first was blonde girl. She looked very confident like she is not afraid of any word who will be sent to her. After her the time came for Elizabeth. In an office was sitting middle-age english man with oblong face and big blue eyes. He was in a good mood, looked more friendly than a person who would like that you wouldn‘t turn out well. But even a nice reception couldn‘t stop Elizabeth from nervousing. When employer asked her why she wants to work here she said absolutely banal things like „I can‘t imagine my life without fashion“ „sewing leads me all my life“. Than he asked her few more things about this company and what she could bring to it. Elizabeth didn‘t say anything smart or something that could interest employer. She just said that this company works a lot of years and she would be very happy if dhe could work here. When she left she felt something very tough inside. She was so dissapointed with herself because she lost that little part of intelligence, her passion that she thought she had and it was the thing that was with her all the time. She was feeling out.
Jessica celebrated Sasha‘s 22nd birthday. The party was in Sasha‘s new modern ecological house with big glass windows near the ocean. She said that she can‘t believe that Sasha is 22 now like to be 22 is a lot. They were both laughing and drinking champagne. All the party George was with Jessica. They seemed happy together. Here was about fifty people from show biz, people who Sasha grew up with and people who she didn‘t know at all. Fiesta was full of music, drinks, kisses. All the guests looked so happy and relaxed. Jessica and George separated from the party and walked in the beach.
The next week her sister Catherine had to come back home for holidays. She was living in New York and worked as a bank accounter in a bank of „Marleys“. This job was her dream. When she graduated university she almost didn‘t get crazy how hard she was looking for it. She cried all the time when Almost every time when she talked with mom on the phone she was crying and complaining about decision to live in USA. She said that she will never get what she wants, it so hard and so on. Mother became so tired to encourage her that she even bought bottles of „Xanax“. When Elizabeth was looking at this agony she thought that you just need to do something for what you want and it will come. There is nothing so hard. But that moment as she tryong to achieve something by herself she knew that life won‘t bring you nothing so easy. She knew that sometimes you feel like in a deadlock don‘t know what is really for you. Elizabeth wasn‘t very happy when she heard the news. The relationship between them was based on superficial communicating and distrust covering it with some nice phrases. Actually they both were jealous about each other. Elizabeth was jealous because of Catherine‘s courage and her life in USA. Catherine was jealous because Elizabeth was more beautiful and had more attention from boys besides mom pardon more and was affectionate to her. The day when Catherine arrived the whole family had a little party. They had a barbeque, drank some wine and talked about events in States. Catherine already hadn‘t have friends here. Some of them had life somewhere else although, she never was the one who would save connections or care much about once had friends.
Catherine was changed since she moved abroad. It looks like the new country forms the new you. When you leave your country you leave the former yourself or at least a part of it. No one knows if it leaves the good part or the bad part. Catherine came back with little more anger and coldness to family than she had before. Now she had events, life which were more important than life here. Although, she really missed her home, mom‘s food and lazy days when she was at high school. And whole holidays were just ecxactly the same as Catherine wanted. Elizabeth was bored and desperate as never. So she planned a little trip to the lake of Menteith together with Catherine and high-school friend Beatrice. At the moment, Beatrice was living in Aberdeen. Beatrice was studying spanish at University of Aberdeen. Elizabeth never understood how could someone study such a nonsense? There is nothing to do with that. She thought that the most boring career is waiting ffor you with such studies. Beatrice had too much fat on her thighs and stomach but she was positive always smiling natural blonde girl. Elizabeth was studying with her in Aberdeen until she quit it after first semester. She was feeling really good with her because always knew that she is way more pretty than her and with Beatrice was easy to talk. Besides, she was from good family. The girls stayed near the lake for whole weekend. They were living in a wooden little houses where were two bedrooms with beds, wardrobe and bathrooms. They spent time walking around surroundings, swimming in a boat and enjoying the sight. Beatrice was started to live more healthy and went jogging all the mornings. Of course, everything was because of guys. Beatrice always tried to get some attention from guys that sometimes it was really hard to look at. When she met someone she was too overzealous and made up things about herself. The other day they ate ice cream and drank some coctails. Catherine and Elizabeth got a fight. They were living in the same room and Catherine borrowed Elizabeth‘s clothes without her permission and left her things not in their place. Elizabeth was infurriated and asked to tidy everything up and ask her before she would like to take. Catherine loudly said:
- why you can‘t put everything in order?
- That‘s the only thing you can answer. Very clever.
Elizabeth left the room. In the evening Beatrice, Catherine and Elizabeth put up a fire and baked marshmallows. The same moment Elizabeth got a phone call from William. Elizabeth went in a room to talk with him that Catherine and Beatrice won‘t hear anything. William asked her how is she, told her about his great bussines plan with her father and that he could get out to meet her. Elizabeth told him about her trip with sister and high-school friend and said that would love to meet him. When she ended the conversation she was so happy that couldn‘t stop smiling. Catherine got curious.
- Who you were talking to?- asked Catherine
- To a friend- quietly said Elizabeth
- Oh, it‘s your boyfriend- reported Bratrice with a smile
- No we are not.
- Of course you are you were talking to him so long on the phone. What‘s his name?- said Catherine
- It doesn‘t matter
- Where did you meet him?
- In the street. When I was living in Aberdeen,-lied Elizabeth
- So he live in Aberdeen?
- No, he lives in Ardtur.
Elizabeth was so sick of her questions. She was scared that Catherine could find out about this romance. So, she asked Catherine about her boyfriends. But she just muttered something that there was some kind of a noob but their relationship just never started. Later, the girls drank some wine near the fire and were telling scary stories but it provoked laughter more. The next day they were packing all the stuff. The weather was awfull. The wind was so strong that you could hardly move and the sky was cloudy. Beatrice said goodbye first and came back to Aberdeen. Elizabeth and Catherine caught up a bus and drove home. While they were driving they almost didn‘ talk. Catherine just mentioned that this trip is very boring and she wants to sleep.
At home Catherine and Elizabeth were met by mom. She asked how was their trip and than started to complain about her mother Elizabeth‘s and Catherine‘s grandmother that she is foolishly stubborn because she doesn‘t want to move to their house and live here because she was too old and couldn‘t take care of herself properly. That was the truth that grandmother was really old she usually forget what she was doing what was told to her. She had a surgery of spine or something so she could hardly walk. At least she didn‘t forget who is her family. Their grandmother few years were living all alone. Mom usually visited her. All the time she heard this suggestion by mom she always strictly answered that she won‘t leave her home that‘s her place. Mom always was infurriated after her words like these. She always shared her unnessecarry advices to everyone because she thought that she knows better. She didn‘t know anything thought Elizabeth all the time. Mom spend her days at home. She didn‘t work. When father started up his bussines he told her not to be in a hurry with a job. Elizabeth never understood her patents relationship. Maybe because they communicated as daughter and father very coldly. He was always took care more of his bussines and other people: neighbours, co-workers, friends. At home he waited that everything would be done to him. He left everything for mom. Elizabeth sometimes couldn‘t perceive that she is his creature. Once Elizabeth saw her mother was kneeled down near the bed. She was like praying or something like that in the dark room. Elizabeth got scared when saw this. She have never seen her mom so focused, her repented, sad face.
Later, Elizabeth got message from William. He wrote where and when they could meet. Catherine was a little bit jealous. She couldn‘t handle that she doesn‘t have a someone to see and her little sister is dying from love. She wantef to be the first. When Elizabeth went in the kitchen to help her mom Catherine sneaked up to her room and checked her phone. She saw all the messages from William and those which was sent earlier when their romance just started. When Elizabeth was away Catherine told everything to mom. Mom asked her again and again the same things because she couldn‘t believe that her daughter could do like this. She understood that William could be the same man who sometimes visited her husband. She went to talk to Elizabeth. Elizabeth denied everything and was so scared as she never was. Her knees were shuddering. Mom asked het to tell how they met and how she could start such a relationship. Elizabeth fell into panic. She was so nervousing. She said that William was that man who she really needed all her life. Mom said that there are many other guys her age why she couldn‘t have normal relationship? She forbid to go out with him tonight and if she won‘t listen she will tell everything to father. Elizabeth knew that he could be very very angry. And when he is like that you could never know what he could do. Elizaebth was so sure about that...
Elizabeth didn‘t know what to do. She wanted to see William so much but she was scared of her parents. She was so confused that it looked like she could go mad. She lied in the bed. Her tiers were falling into her ears.
„luego a noche
Por tu amor“
The lines from this song made her thoughts not so painful. She almost could think about something else.
That evening Jessica, Sasha and Zara had their first solo concert. They invited some musicians who played popular songs live and the girls were dancing. The show was marvelous. Jessica even sang „Green light“. She was attending singing classes because wanted to become one of those singing-dancing stars. After that Jessica with the girls were named as one of the best dancing groups.
It was about 22 o‘clock. Elizabeth saw that mother soon will go to bed. Father was sleeping long time ago probably drunk. Elizabeth thought about escape. The only problem was Catherine who was sitting in the living room and chatting with someone on the net. Elizabeth was afraid that she could see her. Anyway she was ready. Although, her hands were wet from sweat, her heart were knocked about her chest that she could hear the sound of it. She opened the window of her room very quietly tied bed-sheet to the table. Than she took it in her hands and tried to went down. That was really awful. She was feeling like a stranger, criminal. Elizabeth ran to that place were they supposed to meet. She saw William‘s car. He was sitting there. First, Elizabeth didn‘t want to tell what happened to her when saw him. William praised her for good looking than they were kissing, talking unecessary things. But later he mentioned that his wife suspects something. Elizabeth was looking at him and didn‘t say anything for about a minute.
- So, this is it?
- We‘ll see
When he told this Elizabeth got out of the car and said that had to go. Elizabeth fell that she is losing him. Although, she never had him. The date was strange and unpleasant. When Elizabeth came back the doors was still unlocked that meant that Catherine was still awake. Of course Catherine already saw an open window. She heard when Elizabeth came back.
- You were with him?
Elizabeth didn‘t answer.
- Please don‘t say anything to mom.
Catherine just shaked head and was quiet. In the morning she woke up first and told everything to mom. Mother said that she knew that Elizabeth could do something like this. When Elizabeth came in the kithen where were mom and Catherine, mom started to talk about how that man and Elizabeth can‘t be a couple how she could escape from her own home because of married man. Elizabeth couldn‘t listen that rubbish. She just entreated mom not to tell everything to father. But she was compassionate because Elizabeth made her believe that she won‘t see William anymore. And actually she was right. From their last date she didn‘t get any news from William.
Now Elizabeth was feeling isolated. She lost the one who made her enjoy the moment. Not to think and expect something from future. Be here.
„Perhaps life could be a dream. When we turn back the past we remember things hazy. We don‘t remeber many things. When we will die someone will remember if remember us through blur. Later and later, we will fade away and there will be only a contour in people who loved you minds. Life is in the side of the bold ones. Unfortunately, you Bobby are not like them. But in a dream you can. You can be everything you want. That‘s why people use imagination. To flood the reality with a magical veil and don‘t realise what your life looks like. To forget. After dreaming you will see your life with more energy, you will see it differently“. Heard Elizabeth in a strange movie where she didn‘t understand anything except this frase. The man was in a theatre scene in front of an audience and talking with the boy who was standing a little bit further. The movie was surrealistic or something like that.
Elizabeth was looking in the sky. It was all grey. All day, all weeks it was all grey. Sometimes the sun showed up but for a very short time. Like she would like to get out but God catches her ray and doesn‘t want that she would show up. Sometimes Elizabeth sent some sketches to fashion houses or just put it in internet with a hope that someone will see. But she felt that she didn‘t use all her strenght like she has lost it. She didn‘t believe that she will achieve what she wants.
That day Jessica was rehearsing a new choreography. Later, she and Sasha went to a party in the nightclub. One of the music producers that girls knew was celebrating his birthday. All nightclub was full of people that Jessica and Sasha didn‘t know but some of them it wasn‘t a problem and they became acquitanced quickly. At the party were a lot of „singers beginners“ and black-skin rappers. They were shouting loudest. They were ordering champagne and everytime it was more expensive than other. That‘s how they felt their power. George wasn‘t with Jessica but she didn‘t feel lonely. She was flirting with other guys. Sasha had a boyfriend american football player. He was with her at the party. They seemed a perfect couple for Jessica. They were enjoying.
Now when Elizabeth lost her reality keeper she became crazy with the idea that she has to become famous designer. She couldn‘t stand that she will be a mediocrity, absolutely nothing. Maybe she was so obsessed with it. Wherever she go everyone noticed of Catherine or talked with her because Elizabeth was younger just like addition, less important. Neighbours or even guys after chatting with Catherine asked „oh this is your sister“. Mom trusted more on Catherin‘s opinion and discussed family‘s questions more with Catherine. Every day she was rough she shouted on mom when she asked her „something silly“. Catherine complained about her that she can‘t talk with Elizabeth. Her mother didn‘t understand proffesion as fashion designer usually she told Elizabeth to forget and think about more perspective career. Famous becomes other people more special not like them. We are too mediocre. Again Elizabeth spent her days sending her curriculum vitae from little tailor shops to big fashion houses. While looking for where to send it she saw an advertisment of very popular reality show „Runaway“. In this reality show young designers demonstrates their made clothes and worldwide celebrities are estimating it. The winner gets contract with a world famous designer fashion house „Feuille Morte“. Elizabeth was excited. She filled the form and sent her works. She thought that she would be extremaly happy if she ever could be in that show.
Mother and father were fighting with each other all life. Elizabeth thought that everyday they hate each other more and more. At that moment, father liked to sit at the bar and than take care of his business which wasn‘t that profitable as earlier. He lied a lot to mom. Sometimes he persuaded mom that he didn‘t drink that night or drunk just a little bit or that he wasn‘t at the bar and stayed longer at work. Once when mother was complaining about nonenviable situation with money he took some money from his safe where he was keeping some money in case of bankruptcy (later that was always such possobility) and said that he has and earns money. Sometimes mom believed him. He could put her in such a state that she started to believe or wouldn‘t know how to think. Elizabeth was always telling to mom that it‘s a lie but mom never said anything. Deeply mother wanted to believe father or think that he could change. In the end mother became a person who couldn‘t take a decisions, she was feeling helpless or she might not want to change or do something. The house was full of humiliations, hate, distrust. When they had hard time when father‘s business stopped for some time, mom asked Catherine to help with money. But Catherine just answered careless that she spent almost everything on holidays. She never was into mom‘s problems with father especially when she moved to USA. She always wanted to look sumptuous even when she couldn‘t afford that. Catherine laid herself out to show her good manners to strangers and took more care of her interests. Although, Elizabeth always felt sorry for mom but she thought just how to get out of that house and become famous quicklier.
Elizabeth got an answer from designers reality show. She got into next stage! She had to go to London where all the contestants will need to show their skills live. There will be an assignment for them to design clothes in a few hours. The whole day Elizabeth was smiling and thinking about that show. She had to leave next week. Elizabeth didn‘t say anything about this show to mom. She knew that mom wouldn‘t understand and wouldn‘t let go to London. When she had to leave she said that she is going to meet with Beatrice and then will go to Aberdeen. Mom was surprised that Elizabeth really found a person who can spend time with. The trip was long and hard. She was going there for more than 5 hours. In the train were sitting weird people. One old lady started to talk with Elizabeth almost all road. She told to Elizabeth her life story when she was so young like Elizabeth til now. Elizabeth really got sick of it. Why would someone want to tell his lifestory to unknown person? Probably someone who feels lonely and doesn‘t have a person to talk to every day,- thought Elizabeth. When she finally got in London she was feeling terribly tired and unpretty. Also, that was hard to find a place where everything will begin. Elizabeth couldn‘t be late so she got a taxi and went there in a few minutes. When she entered the building she saw a huge hall with hundreads of people. She saw stylish, self confident young people. They were talking with each other or just waiting for begining with no attention to others. Elizabeth felt totaly zero. If few days ago she thought that she is funny, attractive lady so now she thought that everything was in her head. There are just her thoughts what she could be. Elizabeth found out that in reality she is not good at all. Elizabeth in her thoughts and Elizabeth here were totally different persons. The host of this contest came out and announced the assignment. That man was tall with brown short hair, blue long shirts and black bleached jeans. He looked arrogant but for Elizabeth he looked awesome. The competitors had to create a clothes for the singer who will go to a stage to perform. Elizabeth thought that she could make it. In that few hours she sewed short black blouse with short sleeves and black skinny trousers. She was just in time to finish her work although, she had a lot of panic moments. When time was up the host with two other man from the jury were estimated clothes. When they came closer to Elizabeth‘s „chef-d‘oeuvre“ those two man looked with a glance who was saying that is not interesting. He told that designers who will make this stage will be announced in their website. Elizabeth left and didn‘t even want to think what could happen. She wanted to imagine her success but deep voice quietly said that she didn‘t make it again. When she came back home mom met her in the kitchen. She asked her how was meeting with Beatrice but Elizabeth just lied something that she showed her room where she lives and then went out for a drinks. Then Elizabeth went in her room and took a shower.
In the afternoon Elizabeth opened the website where should be announced the winners. She found the list and checked it more than 15 times but there wasn‘t her name. Why happiness is so short? She just started to think about her new life, new opportunities. Why it‘s so rare that sometimes we don‘t understand it was here?
Jessica, Sasha and Zara had a tour through USA. Now their performances were the highest quality with all show effects. Girls were getting more popular each day. Their manager started a deal for their performances in Europe. Jessica was enjoying attention from media, guys and her boyfriend. She usually went out with Sasha to have fun. They were invited in hottest parties, music awards. Jessica was inserted in the most beautiful women list. She was living a life that someone could only dream of it.
Elizabeth was sitting on the bed. Before her window standed dark night. Only she and her thoughts. She was feeling tired. She didn‘t know well if her body was tired or her soul become tired of all that disaster that grew before her, with her and was that moment. That disaster that was born from Elizabeth.