Things We Lost In The Fire

This is the deal, Erin. Do you promise to keep it?

We used to be close, didn't we? Or did I imagine that? It pains me to think you didn't love me like I did you. Because I did love you, Erin. I did. But I loved him more, so much more. He was my love, and they took him from me. I defy you to not become this. It's okay, I blame you entirely. If I had been alone, I could have been happy with him. I could have run away with my sweetheart and been happy forever. But he liked you. And I was scared. I was scared to jump into the unknown, and leave you behind. He told me every time that he was only your friend. And I knew, I knew he loved me. But something, something small, still niggled at me. What if he leaves me? And that was the one thing I couldn't handle. And he did. And it was all your fault.

The deal is, Erin, you remember me. You remember me, and weep for what we had, and what you ruined with your loose morals and your disregard for anyone but yourself. If you do that, if you live the rest of your days in hell, I will leave you alone. If you forget me, and regain your happiness, I will come for you.

I looked up. She smiled at me, a smile of peace, something I'd never seen since James died. Then, she pushed past me, and pulled my wrist to make me follow her. I complied, numb. I was still registering her note. It WAS all my fault. I had ruined my sister because of my loneliness. I never felt at ease with anyone but myself, and now I had destroyed Agrona.  We walked, her fast and tugging at my wrist, me slowly, woodenly. We hit the beach, without slowing, and she pulled me into the waves, not noticing the icy water.  My innards clenching, I pushed through the currents swirling around my legs. I couldn't let her down now. We eventually began to swim, the grey water stinging my eyes and lips. I inhaled at least twice by accident, the water hitting the back of my throat. She turned to me, kicking her legs to remain afloat, and smiled again, her head on one side, like we used to as children.  And then, her hand fell from mine, and she ducked beneath the waves.  A stream of  bubbles hit the surface, and I felt the blood drain from my face.  I lurched forward, reaching for her, but she eluded me, the salt buoying me up away from her.

I came to, shaking and choking on imaginary water. I had destroyed her, and now I had destroyed Freddie too. He was in his own Hell, and I had done nothing to save him.  Hell, I had renounced my feelings toward him entirely and marched away!  I could do nothing for Agrona, but I could help Freddie.  And then it hit me. If I had been the target of Agrona's punishment, as I suspected, my outburst would have meant he was of no use to her anymore.

Dead or alive, he's free of me now. I can't hurt him, no matter where he is.

The End

5 comments about this story Feed