I never enjoy seeing snow. I only expect that it will come on the day of Christmas and the Eve before. Of course, my expectations are never quite met.
Summer was unusually cold and wet this year. I thought by now I would see heaps of snow and looking at minus' on the themometre. I did not expect a sunny, cloud free day in the middle of November; not after the summer I had.
I did everything right. I bought a new shirt, new skirt and new heals to match it all. I was not planning for an important day. I just never got the chance to dress up and have fun, I planned to make the most of the night ahead.
To some, they'd say I gobed the make up on. In my opinion, I looked the part. I wasn't myself. I wanted to reach out of who I am and be who I want to be. The color above my eyes was darker than normal however, people always commented how nice my make-up looked when my eyeshawdow was dark.
Recently my hair had been choped short. I colored it bright red although I had tried to get it purple.
I like to stand out. Standing out makes it less of an effort for me to approach other people. I'm too shy sometimes. Tonight wasn't going to be that night.
It was raining all day. I never saw the sun. The sky was so dark and grey, it was depressing. How was I ever going to feel happy tonight. Dressing up was the key. I had to be an actress.
It took a painful 2 hours to prepare my look for the party. It wasn't even my party. My sister had been planning this party for her husband. They have been married for 6 months now, she wanted to create something special for his first birthday they spend as a married couple.
I had expected not to be alone when I had agreed to attend the party. Being alone at a large function gives me more anxiety to look the part, it's also more exciting.
I never wished for anything to happen, excpet to have fun. I was going to let loose. I wanted to be my other half, the one that didn't care. I danced, I sang and I laughed. I was enjoying my time. Although I faked every smile, every cheer, it was more fun than sitting alone and wishing I weren't there.
It seemed that people enjoyed this new me. The responded with smiles towards me. I was asked to dance and sing, to continue my faox self. No one suspected it wasn't me that was there, they expected it was the drink I had had before I had come. I did that on purpose so no one but me would know that I left myself behind.
I continue to drink another after I had arrived, it was all part of my plan to be someone else. It worked like a charm.
I did not expect what happened next. The room felt hot. My head felt fire burning deep in my skull. I had to leave the room. I had to stop on the floor in the middle of the song. I didn't want anyone to suspect something was terribly wrong. I had to leave unconspicous. I sat down at a near by table. It appeared I had to take a break. I explianed how my feet hurt in the new shoes. A lame excuse but it worked.
Shortly after I escaped to the restroom. Once alone, around no ne to stop me to chat, I ventured out doors. I thought I was going to be alone once I was outside. But he was there, as if he was waiting for me.
I looked at him remembering the dance we had shared. I remember the feeling I had as he held my hand with his. The emotions in me stired as his other hand wraped around my waist to hold me close. I heard the words of the song come back to my mind from remembering how he wispered them in my ear. We had danced slow, we danced as if we were the only two people on the floor.
He stood there with a cirgarette in one hand. He put it to his lips and took one slow, short drag. He through ono the curb. He told me he didn't need that anymore. It appeared it was freshly lit. The lenght of it was as long as one fresh from the back.
He turned to me. His smile created a dimple on his left cheek. He took a step closer. The wind was blowing hard. The rain had turned to snow. The night was black. There was not another soul around. Without another word he pulled me close. He hugged me tight. Without any hesitation he leaned in close. Our lips came together. A rush of passion filled my body. Suddenly the air didn't feel so cold. The snow fell on our faces as we kissed our first kiss.
The moment ended as I felt his cold hands touch my face. We had to go inside, the party was waiting for us. Indoors we had a choice. The party downstair, whatever else upstairs. Quickly he decided to take the chance and risk it upstairs.
We rushed up the stairs, trying not to make noise. After three flights of stairs we ended in a small hallway. All four doors were locked. It didn't matter. It seemed all that was on his mind was feeling my lips pressed against his again and again. The warmth of a new romance stired in my stomach. In th moment I could decide if I had changed back to my real self.
I believe I'm pretty good at displaying my fake self. It is what got me my career. The hard part is not knowing when I've changed back to my real self; The one self that feels remorse and depression. Our privacy ended as two friends decided to wonder the halls. Once at the top of the stairs they yelled out a petrifying scream. Once they relized who was infront of them, they began to laugh. Quickly as the came they left.
The person I was in the moment left quietly thereafter. The man eager to to hold me again left moments after myself.
Before going back to the party I decide to hit the washroom. I wanted to make sure my appearance was in order. I fixed up my hair, and adjusted my skirt.
Walking back into the party, I was bombarded my moaking and cheers. The whole crowed knew. I was embarrassed a bit. That was when I realized I wasn't my real self.