"No, you tried to steal some milk!" chanted the two security guards at once in an attempt to I & C (intimidate and confuse). "No, you nearly got away with it! Don't steal it again - we'll get a baked-bean pizza out."
So saying they produced a gleaming baked-bean pizza for Super Bastard and gave it to him free with a glint in their teeth.
"I needn't bother stealing stuff now," thought Super Bastard, "People just give me food and that free."
He got home and ate the baked-bean pizza. He then got into bed and sweated and sweated and sweated until he'd rotted through the entire bed and he awoke with a "thump" as he crashed onto the floor, sore, saw, swore and realised he was surrounded by bits of broken plastic, burnt wood and melted sheets.
"So that's why they handed me that baked-bean pizza with such delight," he realised, the awful truth dawning on him. "So I'd sweat so much I'd rot my bed to pieces."