the fire in your eyes

my name is felicia bodart. Its like this : All my boyfriends added up doesnt compare to my first boyfriend.  I am 17 years old, and my first boyfriend's name was Justin Fericia. He was my first for everything. First boyfriend,first slowdance, first boy i held hands with, first kiss, first love. We dated for 2 years. He broke up with me on a monday. In July.  It was the hottest day of the year. I almost wanted to go out in my bra and underwear. I couldnt bare wearing clothes for the whole day. But he had told me over msn to meet him at the park. I didnt think much of it. We always hung out. Sometimes from dawn until dusk. We would let the time slip away right in front of us. He said to come as soon as i could. So i thought maybe he had somthing planned, and he wanted me to get there so we could start. A little confused i had quickly washed my face and threw on some jean shorts and a hollister t-shirt. I slipped out the backdoor. My mom was still sleeping so i had left a note saying, i will check back in a bit.  I walked down the narrow sidewalk, and past the trees. When i reached the stone path that leads to the park, i could see Justin sitting on the bench. As i got nearer, i could see he was shaking. He looked up at me and barely smiled. My heart fluttered a little. He usually greeted me with a big grin and a huge bear hug. I sat down beside him. I gave him my usual warm, friendly smile. But he kind of looked past me. I mean, he was looking AT me, but... he wasnt quite looking AT me. If that makes any sense at all. I saw the usual fire i did in his eyes. It was out of affection. His eyes seemed to dance as beutifully and as freely as a wild bird. My smile faded. His eyes narrowed. Felica, we need to talk. My heart felt like it was dropping in an endless pitt. Those words were not words i wanted to hear. Ever. I merely nodded my head. He looked down, ''We arent the greastest couple anymore. I am not sure we should keep pretending.'' he had said with so much expression, i had wanted to reach out and slap him across the face. I didnt get it. We were perfect for eachother! We laughed at the same jokes, liked the same music, had the same goals in life. And what did he mean PRETENDING? what was this? some kind of soapopera!? i sure as hell wasnt pretending when i had told him that i had loved him 5 months ago! '' but, i dont understand.'' i choked out weakly, so silent, i had barely heard myself. But somehow he knew what i had said. '' im sorry.'' he said, he stood up and i watched him walk away, without looking back.His steps seemed to thunder. and every time he stopped slightly, i got my hopes up that he was going to come back, and tell me it was a joke. an early april fools day joke.But he didnt.So i sat there on the bench, and watched my entire world walk away. I started crying, i stood up and all the way home, i cried and cried and cried. I walked upstairs, still crying. I couldnt stop crying. I balled my eyes out for hours. repeting everything that he said. I finally told myself ''its gods wish.'' But that wasnt true. I told myself it over and over. at least a thousand tines. I had actually started believeing it when i heard a slight knock on my door. ''Come in.'' I said. The doorknob twisted, and my mom came in. ''Hey babe,  somones on the phone for you.'' I pushed my feelings and heartbreak aside to the back of my heart, and pulled enough courage to pick up the black phone. I stopped my flashback short there. I was afraid the teacher would catch me daydreaming. I looked over at Mark. My current boyfriend. And started daydreaming again. After Justin had broke it off with me, i had boys lining up to be with me. At 15, being in a long relashionship wasnt cool. So i have had about 10 boyfriends since justin. I had waited about two months, hopeing that there was some miricle he would change their mind. Alot of my frieds had told me i was waiting on nothing. And i have only seen Justin 2 or 3 times since the split. We go to seprete schools. We havent talked since. Even on msn. He never explained, but two days later he was dating alisa yash, a girl 2 years older then us. They didnt last long, but i was hurt. I am still not over him, and to this day, i remember only one thing about the breakup. How the fire in his eyes burned out when he said those little words.


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