the evaporation of me
the crack appeared on saturday. it started in the top left hand corner of my front window and slowly worked its way down in an unforgiving line which, under other circumstances, may have been overlooked. it was not a big crack, not one which sprang to your attention, but that was the point, it was an insidious and incidental little blighter who's appearance suddenley stopped you in your tracks and demanded attention. joe didn't notice it, he was too busy, as usual, his life did not incorporate such flotsam, his was an important life, a life that set him apart from normal concerns such as window cracks.
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the evaporation of me, which was
was posted on May 14, 2008 by
freudianslip.
This story is filed under:
Mystery
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"it was an insidious... little blighter who's appearance ... demanded attention. "
This contradiction made me giggle."
Its not hard to see it going somewhere though. You need to break up your paragraph a bit, and not using capitals is my BIGGEST pet peeve in the entire world. Althought, I'll save you of my wrath to day.
BUT ONLY TODAY!
Anyways, its very Secret Window/Secret Garden, you know cracks in the wall, cracks in the window. Suggesting the underlying thought that the character is beginning to experience a cracked psyche.
I'm just being presumptuous with that idea, but from the story title and the way you're taking it in the writing, I think its a good assumption.
Keep working!"