It was six months later and finally all the court inquiries into Titanic was over, Officer Will Murdoch couldn't have felt more happier - having to sit in a courtroom and relive everything that had occurred on Titanic again was heartbreaking for him, he had problems just getting through the testimony with a clear, strong voice. He found himself wanting to stop and wipe the tears that were daring to flood from his eyes during his testimony, no he didn't want to have to go through it another day and thankfully, he didn't have to. As Murdoch walked into his home in Scotland at around ten at night, he sighed with slight tiredness. He had just come from a pub, where he drank for several hours after getting off from work. Since the Titanic sinking, he had been a slightly heavy drinker. He knew why, the sinking of a ship of which Murdoch had total faith in him completely devastated in him emotionally, not to mention the fact of the many lives that were lost on that ship - men, women and children. It was devastating to his emotional core. As he walked through the dark living room of the house, he was relieved his wife Ada was fast asleep. As he got to the dark kitchen and leaned up against the island, suddenly he heard it. He heard it as loud and as clear as anything greater than imaging could have been. He heard the screaming and yelling of the passengers of the R.M.S. Titanic. He heard the numerous, loud footsteps of the passengers running to and from across the deck. Murdoch quickly turned around to face the living room, of which he thought the sounds were coming from. Murdoch gasped and looked with shock at what he saw before his eyes.
Right before his eyes, he saw the Titanic ship tilting in the air, in the middle of dark, wavy waters. He saw the hundreds of Titanic passengers running to and from across the ship's deck while screaming and yelling horrendously. He saw the numerous ship officers trying to lower boats into the ocean frantically as the water rushed up to them. He saw the officers grabbing the ropes connected to the ship, trying to cut the ropes while yelling back and forth at each other with panic. Murdoch stared at the scene playing out right before him with his eyes clouded with tears, he slightly covered his mouth with his hand as tears streamed.
"No, NO!" Murdoch said in a low, tearful voice with a shake of his head.
As the screams and cries of the passengers became louder, he quickly leaned back up against the kitchen island. He could feel the cold twenty-eight degree chill that surrounded Titanic that night surround his body and chill him immensely. He could feel the panic and the fear of the many Titanic passengers that were in front of his eyes.
"NO! NO stop it!" Murdoch said through tears, as he dropped to the floor, staring at the playing out scene with horror. "STOP IT! STOP IT NO!"
Murdoch covered his face with his hands and yelled loudly through tears. Ada came rushing out of a bedroom towards Murdoch, leaning down beside him, staring at him with concern.
"Will?" Ada called as she gently touched his shoulder. "Will, are you alright? What's wrong?"
Murdoch didn't respond, he just shook his head and continued to cry. Ada hugged him as he cried more.
The next morning, Murdoch and Ada sat in silence at the breakfast table, Ada didn't think Murdoch was ready to talk about what happened to him last night and she wasn't too sure she was ready to ask him. However finally, she developed the courage to break the silence.
"Will, what happened to you last night?" Ada asked.
Murdoch remained silent still for several more seconds, before looking up at her briefly.
"I don't want to talk about it." Murdoch said strongly in a low voice.
Ada frowned briefly.
"Why not Will?" Ada asked.
Murdoch jumped up from the table angrily.
"I mean, this isn't the first time you've had - whatever happened to you last night happen!" Ada said as Murdoch was walking away.
"You know why I don't want to talk about it with you?!" Murdoch asked angrily. "Because you wouldn't understand Ada! You just wouldn't!"
"Why wouldn't I understand?!" Ada yelled back. "I mean I understand, every night for six months, you leave and go drinking, I don't see you until two or three in the morning! You're distant, you're angry all the time - especially when you drink, you become this different, angry - MAN I've never knew before -"
"YOU try seeing people DIE on a fucking SHIP and see a ship you worked so HARD on SINK and see how your life would CHANGE!" Murdoch yelled angrily. "I SAID I don't want to talk about it, so LEAVE ME ALONE!" He added as he angrily tossed the chair up the table and walked away.
Ada stared on with light tears, unable to understand what just happened or why. As Murdoch went into his room and slammed the door shut, her sat down on the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands, tears streamed from his eyes. He heard once again the faint, yelling, screaming and crying from the thousands of passengers on the ship. GOD, the sounds burned into his inner soul and being. Why? Why did he keep hearing those sounds? Seeing those awful sights? Why was he constantly reliving what happened several months ago on that ship? He broke into light tears...He just wanted it to go away, far away but he had no idea how to make it disappear from his mind and memory, how to make it stop. He quickly reached over to a cabinet table beside the bed she shared with Ada, opened it and pulled out a bottle of Vodka. He opened it and chugged it down quickly. Alcohol, alcohol was a quick and soothing medicine for Murdoch's emotional issues at that moment, it was the only thing that soothed him during the following months after Titanic's sinking...
It was around one in the afternoon, as Murdoch sat on the floor of his bedroom, a half empty bottle of Vodka in his hand. His eyes were open and all he saw were the many, horrified faces of the numerous crying and frightening Titanic passengers on the ship. He would close his eyes and hear their echoing screams and cries. He would hear his fellow officer, Henry Wilde's yelling voice.
"Cut them!" Murdoch heard Wilde yelling on the ship. "Cut em' if you have to!"
Murdoch could hear the loud, breaking of the Titanic into, he could hear the loud, sinking sound, it was all too much for him to bear. He quickly got up, drank the last of the Vodka in the bottle, tossed the bottle to the side and walked out of the room. He was relieved to hear the house quiet. He didn't want to face Ada again, nor talk to her. He couldn't talk to her about the tragedy that was Titanic, because she would never understand the sorrow, the guilt, the feelings that he was experiencing regarding Titanic. The only ones who could understand were the other ten survivors. As Murdoch walked to the kitchen, he saw a note posted on the kitchen table. He picked it up and read it:
I'm sorry but I just - I can't take it, the way you've been acting. Your anger, your sadness, your guilt and you won't let me help you through it. These past months following the tragedy, you've just been someone frightening to me and I don't know how I can deal with it anymore. I love you Will, I do, but I think we need space until you can get yourself together emotionally. Maybe you should try calling Henry or Charles and talking with them. I will be at my mother's. I'm sorry, I love you Will."
Murdoch threw the note across the table angrily as tears filled his eyes. Damn it, why was this happening? I mean, of course he knew why but he didn't know why it was happening to him. Why was it that he was a survivor of the Titanic tragedy but it felt as if he were experiencing a death just as agonizing as those who had died on the ship and in the sea?