As I sat there in the car, all by myself, I felt some burden lifted from my shoulders. I'd given up control to God. The pit into which I'd let myself begin to descend - that horrible pit of self-harm - was suddenly closed up.

And in that moment, I became an overcomer.

I sat in the car, taking deep breaths in and out. "Okay, God. I give You control." 

I bowed my head. "I give You control," I repeated. And even though nobody knew, a battle had just been won.

Author guidance for This work

This work is dedicated to all the siblings of individuals who suffer from eating disorders or other addictions... all those who feel forgotten in the midst of your sibling's chaos... all those who wonder if people really care. You are not alone. <3 I love you and believe in you.

Eating disorders seemed so far away, so surreal. I mean, we'd always known Idina was skinny, but not anorexic. We never thought something so sinister would attack someone so beautiful as my sister.
But it did.
And in the process, it attacked me too. I didn't ever have anorexia, but it affected me. This is the story of the eating disorder I didn't have.
This time, I won't hold anything back.

NOTE: Idina is not the real name of my sister. I used a different name so as to respect her identity.
Another Note: This note isn't mature in the ways you might think. For most readers, it wouldn't be mature. But I rated it thus because, as much as I'll try to avoid "triggers" (incidents that tempt an eating disordered individual to practice eating disordered habits), there will be a certain degree of frankness here. I'm going to try to avoid triggers, as I realize that some of my readers suffer from eating disorders themselves, but some things just have to be said.

I am not strong enough. But He is.

updated Apr 16 by cassandramorrow