Local Plumber Found Dead In Bath

On Tuesday, local plumber Theodore Drane was found dead in Mrs. Carrie Cormorant’s bathtub at 5:30 am EWIST. The police are still investigating the rather suspicious circumstances surrounding his death.

According to a police statement by Mrs. Cormorant, her tub was being damaged by the pungent and foul-smelling liquids coming out of her hot water tap. She called Mr. Drane at around 4:00 am, claiming that she needed immediate attention as her husband was out of town and couldn’t give his attention to the problem. Mr. Drane responded to this emergency with the appropriate urgency, taking along only his plumber’s clothes but leaving behind his plumber’s tools. As Mrs. Cormorant puts it, “ we was arguing about how he should best do the fixing, and he said he’d need more money for it, and just about then, he slipped right in the dry bathtub and hit his head on the side and dropped dead.” The coroner did however find a knife embedded in Mr. Drane’s back and they are investigating whether this wound was fatal as well. However, Mrs. Cormorant’s contention is that he was wearing the knife when he got there. “I did think it was a bit odd, but these days just about any accessory counts as fashion.” she was later heard as saying.

Detective Frazer Bradley, the investigating officer in the case, declined from commenting on the case, but gave us an off-the-record quote. He said, “The case was a simple open-and-shut case of death by accident, if it wasn’t for this puzzling matter of the foul-smelling liquids. My detective instincts tell me that’s where the crux of this case lies.”

Mr. Cuckold Cormorant, the husband, was unavailable for comment as he was embroiled in certain vitriolic divorce proceedings.

 

The final rites of Mr. Drane will be held at Shady Graves Funeral Home for the Dead tomorrow at 5 pm in the evening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mark Rhyme, Crime Correspondent

The End

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