Happy Ending For Quintuple Amputee

The EWC caught up today with Billy Wallace's head.

BW's head, by phone:  "Off-Broadway loves my John the Baptist."

EWC:  "Convincingly decapitated. Movingly mute. New York Times."

BW's head:  "Yeah. And Emma Watson bustin' loose as Salome. Can't complain about Emma Watson spinning veils at me four nights a week."

EWC:  Let's rewind. 2012. Radical Quintuplication. Draw-and-quarter quackery, or multi-tasker's medical miracle. Billy Wallace, stand-up comic genius, journeys beyond Greater Wallingford for a miracle. Fast forward. 2015. Billy Wallace's head, any regrets?

BW's head:  "Uh...Left leg's itching. Because of the curtain. Leg's playing Polonius behind the curtain at Stratford. Left arm's protesting again, in Rio. Right arm's rowing round Bora Bora. I can't scratch. A little weird, yeah.

"Still, no regrets. I'm...more now, y'know? Expanded beyond stand-up comedy. As I'd hoped for. Stratford. Rio. Bora Bora. Right leg's hopping up Kilimanjaro. Emma's breathing in my face four nights a week. I'd say we're all happy."

EWC: Billy Wallace's torso, on retreat in Nepal with Brad Pitt, was unavailable for comment.

The End

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