A rather embarrassing incident has yet again come to light about our beloved mayor Jason Eisenherz. It seems eyewitnesses at Jed’s All-Nite Nick-Nacks And Liquor on Parmesan Street saw the mayor having dinner with a goat at a special enclosed table on Wednesday. They further claim that the mayor might have got too close for comfort, both of the goat and the onlookers.
The goat, was later seen, lolling around drunk and walking with a pronounced gait as if it was experiencing pain in its nether regions, though no one in his sane mind and a will to live could think of a valid reason for the goat’s strange behaviour.
Mr. Eddie Boozeberger, a regular patron of Jed’s, was one of those present when this awkward incident occurred. He relates that the goat and the mayor were eating some kind of cooked spinach and radish, which he swears isn’t even on the menu. He further goes on to add, “ The part I don’t get the most is why the goat was dumb enough to go out with that [expletive]. Most dumb animals know to keep their distance from Eisenherz. The goat musta been from a farm from out of-town,[expletive] greenhorn.”
The incident is now being popularly referred to as ‘Goatgate’ by the local media and gossipmongers. The Mayor had this to say to them.
“You morons, it was a simple semantic error. I was supposed to be having the goat for dinner. Apparently the goat thought I was inviting it over for dinner!! Ridiculous notion of course , but I’m the kinda guy who’ll grant a consenting animal anything. That’s all that was to it. And no, eventually, once I got to know the goat a little better over dinner, I decided not to eat it and let it go. It’s the kind of thing a big-hearted guy like me would do. And nothing else happened, mind you. Or else….remember I know where you live. I live where you live.”
In an unrelated incident, Mr. Boozeberger has been missing since yesterday.
Jeremy Mudslinger, Political Correspondent