During a cremation yesterday, the "deceased"man being cremated suddenly screamed while pointing to a staircase and then promptly fell unconscious. Then the room was flooded with soft music. The cremator then saw a record player and saw that it said "Stairway to Heaven - Pink Floyd" and promptly turned it off.
Investigations are under way to see who could have turned the music on. However, if you happen to see any man with a collection of records, please notify the East Wallingford Police Department and we will send someone back in time to find a record player that can play them. If the music playing con is not found, according to Chief Lightyear "We will look to infinity, and beyond! ...to find him!"
We imagine the con will be mellow, so if you see any hippies in your area, ask them to go to the police department.
-French Fry, East Wallingford Chronicle