Infamous East Wallingford matinee idol Amadeus Frog made a low-key return to the town on Tuesday night as the speculation surrounding his personal affairs and ill-fated engagement to Hollywood hot-property Isabella Saddlesore reached fever pitch.
The troubled star of Until The End Of Never and The Devil's Clambake was spotted at 11.10PM (East Wallingford Independent Standard Time) outside Jed's All-Nite Nick-Nacks And Liquor on Parmesan Street, looking somewhat out-of-sorts in his trademark lime green fedora, dark glasses and a heavily soiled brown raincoat.
After making purchases totalling over $300, the details of which this reporter shall decline to list (not because I don't know, mind you - because I do), Frog staggered out to his lime green HUM-V stretch limo, threw the booze and girlie-mags on the passenger seat and drove off, causing several thousand dollars worth of damage to the Parmesan Street Orphanage and Sweatshop's Tiny Tim Memorial Garden in the process.
Frog's distinctive limousine was later found mounting the sidewalk outside his familial homestead on Lavish Gardens, in East Wallingford's exclusive supercilious district, where it is thought he has come to escape the shamelessly intrusive and judgemental media attention that his lamentable personal decline into alcohol and substance abuse and D-list Hollywood obscurity has attracted.
All of us here at the Chronicle wish you the best of luck with that, Amadeus.
At the time of writing, MDF/Plank had suspended filming on Frog vehicles Where's Wally 5: Lair Of The Golden Crab and the much anticipated First Tango In Rio, in which his ex-fiancee and co-star Isabella Saddlesore's part was taken over by a catfish when she famously pulled out of the project halfway through filming.
It is thought that a decision on the fate of these projects will be taken some time next week, once Frog's fitness to work on them has been re-assessed.
On a slightly more positive note for all you Frog-fans out there, this weekend sees the release of his newest picture, The Incontinent Barber, which will be showing on Wednesday and Thursday nights at 11.50PM (EWIST) for two weeks only at the West Wallingford Monoplex. So far reviews from four different national publications have given it a total of five stars - so don't miss it!
Ivy Cesspool - East Wallingford Chronicle Celebrity Correspondent