Dispute Over Mayoral Election Settled By Cage Match

A mighty crowd of East Wallingford residents gathered in the recently vandalised gymnasium of St. Teuthis's school for the graphologically gifted to witness the cage match that would settle the dispute over the last mayoral election.  All six of the residents found seats on the least burned benches that line the walls of the gym and settled down to the match that would decide who would become the next mayor of East Wallingford.

The two combatants were Jason Eisenherz(36), who served as East Wallingford's bishop for three years before being defrocked on suspicion of cat abuse, and Milton Stilton(32), a lawyer who has spent thirteen years pursuing his parents through the courts to punish them for his name.  Jason was wearing a red lycra wrestling suit revealing to East Wallingford that the rumours of his attending Weight Watchers were palpably untrue, and Milton was wearing a pair of ancient grey football shorts and shaking a lot.

The match was brief: when the bell rang Milton ran for the cage door and tried desperately to prise it open and Jason pursued him.  Jason gained too much speed, and was unable to slow down as he bore down on Milton, and crushed him against the side of the cage.  When the referee succeeded in pulling Jason off, Milton had turned a pale blue colour and was unconscious.  Jason was declared the winner, and Milton was carried off on a stretcher to East Wallingford Hospital.

After the match, Jason commented that he believed that the best man had won.  "This settles all those accusations about ballot box stuffing!" he said triumphantly.

Milton, when he was available from comment from his hospital bed, said that he would be keen on a rematch after his surgery.

The End

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