Oldport Acting-Mayor Thierry Archer confirmed the talk of Oldport, picturesque East Wallingford seaside resort town, and site for the proposed Jiggers Marsh Spaceport, at an unprecedented Sunday morning council convening: embattled Mayor Conrad has for undisclosed reasons left Oldport and is believed to be en route to the Congo.
In an exclusive interview with the East Wallingford Chronicle, said Acting-Mayor Archer, "Joe [Mayor Conrad] wasn't feeling well, excused himself early, Thursday, before council's scheduled hearing of the environmental yada'yada over Jiggers Marsh. The usual yada'yada, you might expect. Friends of Jiggers Marsh unruly as ever in the public gallery. And the UPC. Impossible to accomplish any council business. Ejected the lot of them, with many thanks to the EWPD! Afterward, the clerk collected the councillors' reports and noticed the Mayor's copy missing. Joe wasn't answering his phone, so the clerk went to...to see about collecting Joe's copy. Well, Joe had gone by then. Empty milk bottle on the front stoop. Funny, that, because Oldport hasn't seen home milk deliveries in thirty years. Anyway, he'd left a note in that milk bottle...Going to the Congo. UPC shown me the light. Stop milk."
Acting-Mayor Archer added, "Marty [Council clerk] never did find Joe's copy of the report."
Mayor Conrad has been at the center of heated controversy, accused of fast-tracking the proposed Spaceport in Jiggers Marsh. Oldport businesses favour the project for the anticipated influx of aerospace revenue and glamorous astronauts. Detractors cite the unsuitability of a rocket launch facility within a sensitive estuary eco-system and popular off-leash dog park.
Upon hearing of the Mayor's sudden departure, said Ike Grannolla, spokesperson for Friends of Jiggers Marsh, "Bon Voyage, Joe."
Lady Stargazer, personal friend of Mayor Conrad, and local chapter minister of the United Psychics Council is currently on retreat and unavailable for comment.