I didn't hear voices all the time. No. Only when I could've really done without it. Like the time we had nothing to do so we were just laying in the snow, talking.
Abbie sighed "Ahhh. Ben would've loved this" there was no sadness in her voice. But then, no happiness either.
"Yeah" I agreed "He always enjoyed snow"
"I just wish he was here to enjoy it now" she sighed again. Her voice was still emotionless.
"Hmm. I remember in year five, I think he was ten and I was nine, it snowed so much that they couldn't send us home because we were snowed into school. The teachers said that whatever we did we must not call our parents or try to get out. The first thing Ben did was go to the sports hall and open the door. The door opened. Then he called his parents. Then he made a snowman right in front of the spots hall door and when we opened the door he was gone and on the snowman's face said 'it was a bit stupid to only try one door'." I smiled. Abbie sighed again and I heard Max chuckle softly. "Abbie, what's wrong?"
"There's nothing wrong"
Please honey. Please...
"There is, I know there is" I said, hiding the shock when the voice came. The fact was more true for me than it was for Abbie.
"It's nothing. I guess I'm just jealous"
"Of all the time you had with him" the sigh was longer this time.
"Listen, it could've been any one of us. I don't think you're jealous, I think you miss him. A lot... I do" it was my turn to sigh.
Then Max, who hadn't spoken throughout the conversation, muttered "Hey, don't cry"
"Oh, no! Please. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry" I exclaimed quietly.
"No, it's fine, it's not your fault" Abbie whispered. She stood up, "I'm going to bed. Night"
"I do feel sorry for her" Max said when she was in her tent and out of earshot, taking my hand.
"I know... Maybe we should not talk about Ben while she's listening..."
"Hmm. And that'd be another thing to add to the list. No hugging, kissing, general displays of affection, and now talking about Ben"
"Don't exaggerate. Besides, you forget one: no secrets. We're not allowed to have secrets" I felt guilty as soon as I said that, because I was keeping a secret from him. I could tell him... but I didn't want to.