It has begun. I walked up to my bus stop, dreading walking into that school. I would first have to go to my homeroom, in the cafeteria. That alone freaked me out, especially because of its location. This was the place where all of the rumors and gossip would start, while I was avoiding talking... And eating.
Once I had gotten to the cafeteria, I looked around. In my homeroom were a few familiar faces, including Nick T., Tyler S., Shannon S., and Maddy S. Our homerooms were organized alphabetically by last name, so I was with the S’s and T’s. I got along with everyone for the most part, at that time at least. In fact, I even considered some of those people friends.
We got another copy of our schedules, and I looked at mine. I had Honors Biology first, with Mr. Bruton. Then, I had band, then Teen Living, and ended the day with Honors English. I tried to clear my mind and prepare for the day, but the thought of all of these new people kept interrupting it. The bell then rang, so I then tried to find my biology class. I got there, and Maddy was in that class, too. We sat next to each other, at the black lab tables.
I looked around the room, taking in all of the sights. There were lots of bones, and a few class pets, one of them being a black snake named Sirius. Most girls were afraid of him. Heck, even some guys were, but I wasn’t. Yes, I will admit he creeped me out, but I stopped being scared of potentially harmful things. I had stopped caring, so my fear for dangerous things started to fade away. In fact, I’d be thrilled if I got bit by the snake, because at that point I was unaware that he wasn’t poisonous. It’s hard to explain how I was feeling at that point.
The easiest way to say it is if there was a car coming, and I was in the road, I wouldn’t move.
I wouldn’t necessarily put myself in that situation and attempt to kill myself again, but if I was there, I would let it happen. Death was not something I planned on avoiding. I mean, it hasn’t been, but now I would make sure if I was in the right place at the right time, I would let it happen. I wouldn’t move, or run away. I’d just get struck by the bullet, or hit by the car.
Back to the classroom, Mr. Bruton was just doing things just like any teacher would do on the first day. We did an ice breaker, and took a common sense quiz. He basically gave us riddles, and we had to solve them. I got a 80% on it. The questions I had missed tended to be people-involved. I was not a people person, as I was scared of being around them, so these questions were more difficult for me to answer.
After that class had ended, it was time for band. When I got there, we just did the stuff we normally did. I had been to the high school for band several times, so I knew how things went. We just practiced and practiced and practiced. Playing my saxophone helped me clear my head. The notes and rhythms relaxed me, putting my mind in a trance. The music was hypnotizing to me; it calmed me down and let me breathe for a bit.
Unfortunately, everything must come to my end. Even though I wished it was my life, it was just the block, and it was time to go to lunch. I got to the cafeteria, and walked outside to the amphitheater to look for familiar faces. I found a group of girls I knew, and sat by them.
The girls I sat with were often portrayed as the outcasted emo druggies, and I was honestly an outsider to their group. Yes, we were all different, but all of the other girls had something unique about them. Shelby had her artistic ability. Suzanna had her smarts. Olivia had her fashion. And Evelyn had her attitude. I had nothing, though. I was just me. Plain and simple me.