I tried to sleep, but the nurses constantly coming into my room to make sure I didn’t kill myself made it near impossible. Once I was finally to drift off to sleep, a doctor came into my room and woke me up to ask some questions. I didn’t understand why this couldn’t have waited until the morning; I hadn’t gotten any good sleep lately.
It was hard to understand the doctor as he had a heavy accent. I believed he must have been from India. From what I understood, he was just asking how I was doing and simple things like that. I couldn’t pay attention because I was going through what was thought to be withdrawal.
The foreign man eventually left my so called room, and I tried to get back to sleep, but couldn’t. I didn’t know anyone here. There weren’t any locks on my door; for all I knew, someone could come in while I’m asleep and do things to me... I couldn’t close my eyes knowing that was a possibility...
Eventually, morning came, and I was told to go to the day room for breakfast. When I walked in, I saw a bunch of other people who looked just like me. These were normal people. Well, at least they appeared to be.
“Where’s my food?!” the girl who had just walked in shouted. She looked like what I had expected everyone there to be. The look on her face was intimidating. I grasped my hands and messed with them as I tried to play it cool.
No one really reacted to her screaming, it seemed as if they were used to this. I soon learned that they were, she’s been there for a while, so they knew her thought process. It was terrifying.
Breakfast had ended, and now we had to go to gym. Apparently, they are required to make us exercise for an hour a day. We had to do yoga along with watching a stupid training video. I first talked to another patient while mocking the woman in the video.
“Get your knees high, ladies!” she screeched, imitating the woman on the screen. I couldn’t help but laugh, and got stares from the other patients. We continued to make fun of the video, quieter though. I asked her for her name. She was KL. I told her my name, and we started talking some more.
The exercise time was finally over, and we were able to play games now. KL and I decided to play ping-pong to pass the time. The game got pretty intense; our faces were bright red. I hit the little ball hard, and she swung back, causing it to hit the security officer in the stomach. We quickly apologized, then returned to our game.
“Melissa? Come with me please,” a nurse said as she was motioning towards the door. I followed her, wondering where I was going. We walked into a room, filled with doctors. There were at least ten, all sitting there, watching my every move. I anxiously sat down, and began playing with my hands.
“What are you here for?” one of the older looking doctors asked. I shrugged in reply. I wasn’t comfortable being around so many people at once.
“How are you?” a younger doctor asked.
“I’m fine, thanks.”
“Do you know why you were feeling so sad?” he continued. I just shrugged at all of the questions he asked me. I couldn’t bear talking to so many people at once. Even though I wasn’t answering them, they all seemed to be nodding their heads and taking notes. What could they possibly have to write down about me? I hadn’t said anything worth writing down. This was so strange.
After several agonizing minutes, I get released back into the day room, and KL is called into the office. It was so lonely; I didn’t know any of the other patients. Not knowing what to do, I just sat there and waited.