“Stop. Stop it. Stop breathing, you useless waste of space. No one likes you, all you do is create problems. Just leave to make everyone happy for once. Leave. Now.”
My head was screaming at me. There was no escape. There was no way to drown out the words. They each took a stab at my beating, futile heart. I needed to get away. I needed to. I went outside, and found some people I considered friends.
We went up to the park to play some games and hang out. I was trying to enjoy myself. I really was. It just took too much energy to try to feel good than was worth it. It took too much effort.
I just went along with the stuff they were doing for a few hours, and we had gotten pizza. I ate it reluctantly, deciding I’d make my last meal ever tonight. At around 8:30, I went home and dragged my body up to my room.
I started crying. Just crying and crying and crying. I had told my parents that I was going to bed for the night, and not to disturb me. They agreed, because they didn’t think anything was wrong other than the fact that I was in a bad mood.
It was a Friday. It was the weekend. I could do it now. No one would see it coming, and no one would care. I would be gone, finally.
I struggled to get the lid off of the bottle, as tears were running down my horrid face. I twisted and twisted, but I couldn’t get it off. I would get it. I wasn’t going to let a childproof lid to my death stop me.
It snapped off with a loud pop. I dumped the pills onto my pillow, flipping them all so that the red side was on top. I walked to the bathroom quickly, and filled up two water bottles to the very top. I dashed back to my room, and slammed the door shut and locked it.
I didn’t want anyone to walk in and ruin my plan. I wouldn’t allow it. I was ready to go to extremes in order to do this deed.
Someone was coming. I heard the footsteps. I found a small container, and shoved all of the pills into it as fast as I could.
It was a false alarm. Someone was just passing by, and not coming to check up on me. Thank goodness. I didn’t need them seeing me in such state.
It was time. It was 9:00 pm, and it was time to go. I picked up a pill, and placed it delicately on my tongue. The water rushed it down my throat, and dropped it into my near empty stomach. I repeated this process, several times, until nerves kicked in, and I needed to do it faster.
I started taking two at a time, then three, then four, then five. This continued until I was taking ten of the pills at a time. I had finished the bottle off in about ten minutes. I had prepared for the pain by drinking some seltzer. This was fantastic. I was going to be dead within a matter of hours.
This thought was so comforting, knowing that everyone else’s pain, and my own, was soon going to be gone. I laid down in my bed, and just saw black.