Return to SenderMature

    

     Whirling around me in the darkness were wisps and mists of time; time I’d spent on the planet known to me as earth and time I’d spent selfishly imitating; trying to incite a future rather than one that patiently evolves.   

      I felt no pain, no cold nor heat. No heart wrenching sadness, nor despair at my core. Whispers surrounded me. Swirling whispers of a long departed Grandmother and a brother who died suddenly when I was young. Each a ghostly apparition and each taking their sweet time beguiling my thoughts; my emotions, reprimanding my guilt and desperation and plucking each like strings on a violin about to be hoisted to shoulder and chin and then scraped with rosin and bow until it bleeds forth sounds that both plead my case before the Almighty and describe a new life. There was no reproach in these beings, no scolding eyes raking across my form and digging into my heart; only the understanding derived from knowing a greater truth than the selfishness and pettiness of pain, scars, blood, flesh and bone.

     As the truths of my life softly brushed across my soul like a cool breeze brushes one’s hot cheek, and through my mind’s eye; I perceived the thought that I am but a tiny seed in a large garden. At least one of the purposes for which I was planted in God’s green garden suddenly crept into my heart and became evident. It became clear; I was part of a larger purpose; part of a magnanimous truth. The power given me to create a life and bring forth a new being onto the plain of this planet was and is what I was sent to carry out upon this stage.

   This truth burned into my mind like the blindingly powerful sun sparked glint off a mirror polished dagger. Astonishment and understanding staggered my soul; as more relatives long past touched my being lightly with their counsel, blessings and love. There was something in my name; something inexplicable but highly prized in heaven. Most especially, the name of the child inside me jolted the beings there in that place when said; or rather sung aloud. A shudder ran through every fiber of my being; such as it was in this place and the shudder became a tremor and the tremor then a shock.

   My body ached as it lifted involuntarily; an arched outrage of force and pain swept instantly from head to toe. “Clear!” a loud voice rang out! “No!”  I cried out in anguish with the realization that I needed to return to the earth - banished from heaven for now in order to finish what had been started so many eons ago.

     Earthly eyes forced open by latex sheltered hands revealed too-bright lights, people torturing my body with paddles, thumps, electricity, and needles. There was a burning in my head and chest; soreness, and an abrupt ecclesiastical pain so sharp it brought forth a single lingering primeval scream as I tore at the air for oxygen to fill fiery lungs once more.

     The pain cut conciseness away and once again darkness came upon my barely breathing form; the life within recharged in order to accomplish its particular purpose.

The End

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