I leave my earplugs in the rest of the night, not really caring about anything this kid has to say. How could I have been there for him, when I obviously didn't exist in that point in time. Unless I met his mom before I traveled through time...which also means that I met her before I rode my motorcycle through that hospital, on my way to the GWAR concert, where I got turned into this shark man thing that I currently am. Tomorrow I am going to read my history to see when I met this kids mom. And as that thought flows through me, I pass out drunk at the table, my son still talking about whatever the fuck he's talking about.
I awaken the next morning, to find that I had been moved to my room at some point in my drunken stupor last night. I walk into the kitchen to get a couple pills and a glass of water to help with the hang over. After spending most of the day napping on the couch while watching old episodes of the Angry Video Game Nerd. Just as dusk approached, I went to my bedroom, and pulled out a copy of "The Complete History of The Life and Times Of Awesome!" (which apparently there are at least 4 copies of this book in every building in the world), and start reading my own history while drinking some rum...just to relax. I don't remember most of what I read about myself, but I do remember having a moment of clarity in which I discovered that for 10 years there is no proof I existed. It appears that when I drove my car off the cliff before I time traveled here, that everyone thought I was dead for 10 years, when I suddenly reappeared at a record store in Canada. And then I blacked out.
That night I had a dream that Dethklok visited me and gave me a map that would lead me to an artifact that would supposedly take me back in time. They also played Go Into The Water and Birthday Dethday for me, which was awesome.
I awoke at 10:00 the next morning, surprised that I didn't have a hang over. When I walked into the bathroom, I found a piece of paper on the floor, folded in half so I could not see what was written. I picked it up, and found that I was looking at the same map that Dethklok had given me in my dream.
Something clicked in my brain, as I realized that I will go back in time, the history books have already proven that...which means I can stop my stupid kid from ever being born. I fold the map back up, stick it in my back pocket, and walk out the door, taking my first steps in my quest to stop my son from ever being born.