"Flaatu Narado Kinta" I yell as loud as I possibly can. In the distance I can hear some crows cawing and flying away from the surprise of my voice breaking the silence in the cemetery.
The statue in front of me starts to move, it opens on hinges placed on the back. It splits open to reveal a set of stone stairs I can just make out, my view of them being impaired by the fog that is now flowing down the stairs like water over a waterfall.
I hop off my horse and slowly start descending the stairs. At what I estimate to be about step one hundred, I realize I still can't see the bottom of this damn stair case. But I also realize the sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can get back to town, get me some booze and broads, and start settling into my new life as a god!
So I continue down the stairs, stopping a few times on the way down to rest a little. Although my time travel watch is currently not functioning for it's time travel purposes, it was still working as a time keeping device, so once it was midnight, and I still couldn't see the bottom, I figured it was about time to attempt to get some sleep. I peered farther down the "Stairway to Affliction" (I know this was the name cause it was carved into the inside of the statue) I notice a light on the distance. Thinking I'm close to the bottom, I decide to press on, knowing the source of the light is no farther than a five minute walk.
As my approach to the light source brings me ever closer, I realize the light source must be fire...I can see the light flickering off the moist stone walls of the stairway. Then as I continue closer, I realize the fire is from two sources, two torches on the wall. The stairway finally ends about twenty steps down. My happiness is almost overwhelming, and now I realize how close I am to what could be my final end. I slow down even more, attempting to make no noise down the last few steps. I reach the bottom, and realize two things. First, I'm not at the bottom, there are steps in front of me continuing down. Second, to my right is a doorway, and standing in the doorway is an old, balding, slightly hunched man wearing a tuxedo.
"Welcome Awesome, I am Jeeves, you personal assistance for your descent to your destiny. Inside I have everything you need to defeat He Who Must Not Be Named. Come with me sir."
I followed behind, very at ease with him, even though I have never met him before. "So tell me Jeeves, what's your real name, cause I know your parents didn't name you Jeeves."
"My parents did name me Jeeves," he says in a British accent. "They named me that because the prophecy told of my coming, to be your personal assist for you. You said I would come, and I was to be named Jeeves, and here I am. Now, let's get down to business sir. I have studied my entire life to have your instructions prepared, and although they are short, following them is the only way to defeat He Who Must Not Be Named.
"First, the entrance words must be spoken exactly, or they will fail. Correct usage of the words ensures victory, as He Who Must Not Ne Named will reveal his real name to you, and in doing so will be destroyed. If the words were not spoken correctly, then the only way to destroy He Who Must Not Be Named is with the definition. The only problem is, we have been unable to determine what is meant by the definition, so I hope sir, that you said the words correctly."
My confidence began to rise, as I knew I had said the words correctly. "So Jeeves," I said, "You're telling me that since I said the words correctly, that He Who Must Not Be Named is gonna tell me his real name, and then die. Isn't that kinda anti-climatic."
"That is exactly what I am telling you Awesome, because that is what is written in the book of awesome. You wrote this would happen, but did not write about the outcome. Every other prophecy you wrote came true, as this one is now.
"But I know the outcome of this meeting Awesome...I know this is your final demise, even though I told you how to defeat me, I know you did not say the entrance words correctly. And now I know you cannot win, for I am the scourger; and the world will now face the evil scourge of He Who Must Not Be Named. Thank you awesome, I am now in invincible!"
I stand, dumbfounded at what I am hearing. "Really Jeeves, you are it... you are He Who Must Not Be Named?" And that started me laughing, so hard I was doubled over with a stitch in my side.
"ENOUGH!" he shouted loud enough to actually get me to stop laughing. "I am He, and you are about to be history. Only the item that is the definition of me, the scourger, can stop me", and at this he starts laughing as hard as I was just moment ago.
Now knowing only one item in the world could save my ass this time, and I needed to know now. I quickly reached into my gimp suit, and grab my iPhone666G (with Wi-Fi, Ti-Fi, and Pi-Fi) slide the slide button to unlock, clicked Safari, opened my bookmarks, and choose dictionary.com. I typed in Scourge and the first definition that showed up was whip. I locked my iPhone666G put it back in my gimp suit, and grabbed my whip, turning to face my opponent.