Chapter 3Mature

"The name's awesome, fucktards," I say as I enjoy the reaction on their faces, relflecting both shock and awe, "and who are you supposed to be, Barny Rubble?"

At this statement Barney's friend starts laughing at him, saying "that's funny 'cause you do sound like Barney Rubble". He is laughing so hard, he slips in the left over gore, and cracks his skull open.  Barney is still standing there, sputtering and in complete and total shock, over both me talking to him, and his friend laying in the remaining gore, his blood and life pouring out of the crack in his skull.

As Barney stands there, I decide to try out my new body.   I can move my  foam sword and axe arms, although I quickly realize they aren't going to be much use for me.  I also can't really walk as I don't have legs, but I can sort of move around, sliding my lower gore ball around, but at a very slow pace.  This isn't going to work very well.  I need arms and legs, I need a body.

I look at Barney and say, "calm down, and do as I say if you want to live.  I am only going to say this once, so listen closely.  I want you to get a real axe, or chainsaw or something.  You are going to cut off the arms and legs from your dead friend here, and you are going to attach them to my body.  If you do these things, I will spare you life."

I know this is an empty threat, all Barney needs to do is walk away and I would never catch him, but instead he looks at me, and I can see the intense terror in his eyes and reflected on his face.  All he does in nod at me, and runs to his truck, driving off, leaving me alone.  "Great," I'm thinking, "that fucker ran off, and left me.  If I only had arms, I could attach this guys legs to myself, and the problem would be solved." I start looking around, trying to see if there was anything left behind I may be able to use to detach this dead guy's arms and legs, so I can attach them to myself.  And this is when I notice my motorcycle.

It's exactly where it landed when I jumped out of the hopsital window, and from where I am standing it appears there is no blood or gore on it at all.  I wonder if I can get to it, if I can assimilate it into my new body, and possibly have a means of transportation. It's worth the effort, as otherwise I'm just going to stand here with nothing to do. So I start moving towards my motorcycle.

About 2 hours later, I am only about 20 feet away from my motorcycle, and I hear a car approaching me from behind.  I look, and realize it's not a car, it's a truck...Barney's truck.  He's come back, and he has a chainsaw with him.  He still doesn't say a word to me, but walks over to his dead friend, and starts the chainsaw, cutting off the dead guys arms and legs.

It only takes him about 5 minutes to cut them off, and another 5 to rework my body, but I now have arms and legs, and they work!  I walk over to the hospital, and check my reflection in one of the mirrors, and realize I look horrible.  I have human arms and legs, one human eye, one shark eye, and the rest of my body looks the Swamp Thing, but made from blood and gore. And the only thing I am wearing is the cowboy hat.  Well, everything else that has been attached to me I am able to control, so I think it's time to go fiind me a body and some clothes. And with that I jump on my motorcycle, and start it up.  The flames shooting out of the dual exhaust catch Barney on fire, and I drive off as he goes up in flames, looking to recreate myself.

The End

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