The Death Of AwesomeMature

The date is July 8, 2048.  My patents named me "Awesome".  I have no clue why, but it has been a curse for my life. I have lived my entire life doing everything I could to live up to my name.  My father was killed by a shark when I was 30, in the year 2013.  And yes, my father's death does play into this story.  "Why?" you ask.  Because I now hate sharks, and swore an oath over my father's grave that if a shark were to ever try to kill me, it would go down with me.

I am a musciain, and have been most of my life.  This is also important information, because this day starts with my band "Flesh Cup" playing our last concert ever.  I'm 65, I think its time to retire, and start spending some of the billions I've earned over my life time. But first, my plans for the evening, going to see GWAR play.  I've never seen GWAR live before, and they have been around since 1984 (although obviously not the same guys that started the band in 1984).

So I jump on my custom motorcycle (it has a dual exhaust system designed to shoot flames 5 feet out) with my girlfriend (who I've been dating since 2010, and looks exactly as she did then), and we leave to see GWAR, squealing the tires, shooting flames, and riding a wheelie (which I always do in my attempt to be awesome). As we are riding from my bands concert to the location where GWAR is playing, my girlfriend decides she wants to have sex, while on the motorcycle ridding a wheelie. Since this sounds awesome, I decide its a great idea. So she wiggles my pants off, and takes hers off, and jumps on my lap.

"This is the life" I think to myself. Driving down the road on my motorcycle going 75 miles per hour, doing a wheelie, flames shooting out the exhaust, and having sex with my girlfriend, all at the same time. Life is awesome. 

Its at this point I realize something is happening...something I can't explain.  Something's not right with my girlfriend, and right as I think this, she explodes. The explosion causes my bike to fly up into the air, and crash through the 15th story window of a hospital. I land the bike, still on one tire, and continue driving through the hospital.  It is so awesome that it cures everyone patient in the hospital, but unfortunatly for them, as soon as they are cured they explode.

I drive through the hospital, covered in pieces of skin, brain, muscle, intestines, blood and bodily fluids, and drive out the other side, right about the GWAR concert.  As I am backflipping my motorcycle through the air, I hear GWAR playing "South of Heaven" (orginally by "Slayer"), and I'm singing along as I jump off my bike, aiming for the swimming pool below. My motorcycle lands on it's wheels, and the kickstand catches in the grass, and springs open. The bike stops, and falls sideways right on the kickstand.

Seconds before I land in the pool, I notice the shark swimming in the pool, and it looks hungry.  Plus, I think, I'm covered in blood.  But I am prepared for this situation.  I swore years ago if a shark was going to kill me, I'm ending it's life too.  I land in the water, and then everything instantly goes dark.  But I'm still alive, I don't know how, or what happened, but I'm still alive.  And I realize, the shark swallowed me whole, which is its mistake, cause now it's going to die.

And with that thought, I pull the string taped to my chest, which explodes the dynomite attached to me, and ends the sharks life.

The End

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