The Day In The Life Of Colin PitchforkMature

This character is completely made up and everything which he does is all from my imagination. If any one goes by the name of Colin Pitchfork I apologize.

Monday

Today I got up and had some liver for breakfast. I then went to the garden centre and bought a new toilet seat. I liked it a lot as it had little seahorses all over it. I drove it home and put it straight on my wall. Next I needed to go to Asda to buy myself a rabbit for dinner. Whilst there I met an old lady named Eggan and I invited her to see my cooking skills. I needed to teach martial arts first as I'm a blue belt in gardening. It's now 7pm and Eggan has now arrived. Time for the big finale, I have killed the rabbit and prepared its blood for Eggan's drink. Now that its the end of the day its time to kill her. I have got my pitchfork ready. BANG! Straight through her stomach and into the wall making my new decoration next to my seahorse toilet seat. I am now going to break into the fish and chip shop to steal a shark for the person I meet tomorrow when I invite them over, after meeting them in the Co-operative. Good night for now.

Tuesday

Today I have got up and had a pile of grass for breakfast. I am going to the pet shop to get myself a new pitchfork. I then took it back home and placed it in my living room. I then went out and visited the Co-operative where I wanted to get a new eyeball. Whilst I was choosing the right eyeball for me I met a man named Paul and I invited him to my house for a poolside barbeque. He accepted my offer and will be unaware of what will happen. I have bought a new red eyeball, and have placed it on top of my TV. It looks great and stylish. I have just gone to teach forensic science to dead bodies. I am now watching The Simpsons until 8pm when Paul arrives. It is really cool and I like Ralph (chief Wiggam's son). Paul has just arrived and the shark's starving. Time for the barbeque! Me and Paul had a nice meal by the pool. It was yoghurt and cheese, 'delicious'. Splash! Paul is in the pool swimming to escape my shark, Paulator. Yeah he's finally given up and my shark is no longer hungry. That's my meal for tomorrow! Now it's time to go to Morrisons to steal Bob's kidneys. I'm going to meet my friend tomorrow in Tesco and then we'll visit Legoland.

Wednesday

Today I have got up and had a bowl of mud for breakfast. I'm going to JJB Sports and I'm going to buy a false leg (peg leg). I am drawing a face on the peg leg and keeping it on my sofa. I am now teaching my shark to jump through hoops. I will show my friend my progress. I am now going to Tesco to meet my friend, Carl. We will then visit Legoland. After about 3 hours at Legoland we came across my other mate, Tom who I invited to my house to see my tricks (shark's tricks). Before Tom turned up I had to teach skyology to pre-school children. Tom's just turned up and its time for the show. Shark tricks and two kidneys (Bob's kidneys). Tom enjoyed the night up until when I told him what he had eaten. He went off on one so I just punched him, pinned him with nails to the floor and then got a saw and chopped his head off. I fed his body to my shark and kept his head for my living room. I placed it on the mantle piece. Tonight, before bed I'm going to steal Linda from the library. Tomorrow I will gain 3 new decorations as their will be two victims, Linda from the library and Steve who I'll meet in New Look.

 

Thursday

Today I have got up and had a bowl of goat eyeballs for breakfast. I'm going to McDonalds today to get some skis. I took the skis home and placed them next to my fireplace. I am now going to New Look. Whilst there I met someone named Steve and I invited him to come and meet Linda. When I got back home I went and fed Linda with 4 pieces of toast. I must now go and teach cookery to the homeless. I am now watching Sleepaway Camp 2 until Steve arrives at 7:30pm. I will take him to Linda where we will watch High School Musical. We will also have wee and biscuits as snacks. Steve has arrived, time to introduce him to Linda. After the film finished I locked Steve and Linda in the shed, then I set it a light to kill them. Whilst they slowly burned to death I went to steal a car from my nan's house. When I came back the shed had burned halfway down so I waited until it was completelyash before I collected some to be placed in a jar, which I inserted into the head of Tom on my mantle piece. I'm going to the fair tomorrow to meet (the school bully in my time) Jim.

Friday

Today I have got up and had cats' brains for breakfast. I'm going to the cafe to buy a new toilet because my old one is broken. I ripped out my old toilet and placed my new one in to replace it. I am now going down the road to the fair. Whilst I am there I am going to look out for Jim. I found him and invited him over to mine. After all these years he still recognised me. He hesitated at first and then he accepted my offer to come to my house. I seen the time and ran home. I needed to teach martial arts to 2 year olds and I needed to go shopping to buy some new animals ready for the up coming week. Jim has now arrived and everything is ready for my revenge. I showed him all my decorations to scare him. He said to me, "Didn't you know that halloween passed." and he laughed. I then took him into my kitchen where I stabbed him in the side of the neck causing him to bleed to death. I chopped his hand off with a meat cleaver and then I fed the rest of him to my shark. I put his hand on a plaque and put it on the wall as a trophy of my revenge. I am now going to quickly admire my progress this week and then I'm just going to sleep and rest for the weekend.

Saturday

Today I slept all day except for having my 3 meals. I had coffee and duck for breakfast. I had fish heads on a stick for dinner. I had rabbit stew and cucumber for tea.Tomorrow I will sleep most of the day again.

Sunday

Today I slept all day except for having meal which were the same as yesterday. I need to visit the hardware store tonight to steal a hairbrush ready for tomorrow's plan. Good night for now.

Monday

Today I got up and had some sausages for breakfast. I'm going to the local pub to buy myself a girlfriend. When I had picked my dream girl I took her to my house and hung her from the ceiling. She was my dream girl and a handsome decoration. I am now going to an Evanescence concert. They rock! I like Amy Lee she's cool. Whilst rocking out to Evanescence I bumped into a girl named Lena. I invited her to come and have a drink with me at the end of the concert and she accepted. So when the concert finished me and Lena went for a drink. I didn't get drunk but Lena did. I offered to take her home but she wanted to come with me. I really liked her so I didn't want her to find out about my hobbies. In the end she came back to mine and she seen all my decorations, unusually she liked them and she wasn't scared. Instead of using the hairbrush I stole for evil, I gave it to Lena as a gift. I wanted to go out tonight to steal a disguise from Subway, but I can't because I'm stuck with a girl, which I'm attracted to. Maybe I'll change because of her. Hopefully tomorrow I will meet my old mate from school, who thought it would be funny to turn my only girlfriend against me. Yes sweet REVENGE!

Tuesday

Today I got up and made a proper breakfast for me and Lena. After breakfast Lena got a phone call, she told me that it was her mum so she went home. I went to the card shop and bought a nice black hat for my coffee table. I then went to the community centre where I met Ian my old mate. I invited him to my house and he accepted. I walked away and then when I looked back I seen Lena chatting with Ian, she was with another woman. She recognised me and ran over. I had no idea that she knew Ian. I had to run home anyway as I had a health lesson to teach. Ian arrived and behind him came Lena. Why did she come with him? She ran towards me and hugged me. Ian smiled at me and I just smiled back. I hadn't anticipated Lena coming when I was trying to get revenge. Ian hadn't changed, he started to tell Lena embarrassing things about me. I just couldn't control myself, so I pushed Lena aside and darted towards Ian. I pulled out a knife and stabbed Ian repeatedly in the chest. Lena screamed and ran upstairs. I quickly followed her to try and make her understand what was going on. I spent the whole night talking to Lena. Well, up until 3am.

Wednesday

I got up late today and I had to make breakfast for me and Lena. We had blood, sausages and bacon. Lena understood what had happened last night and so we got on really well. Lena happened to be satanic and she promised to keep my hobbies a secret. After Lena went home I went to Q's Tattoos to buy myself a frog ornament for my kitchen table. I then went to teach skyology to OAPs. Lena stormed in when I finished teaching, she was upset and angry. She had got in a fight and ended up being slashed across the arm. After I patched her arm up she showed me the person who done it. I sent her to my house to rest up and to prepare for revenge. I approached the lady and used my charm to make her accept my offer of coming to my house later on that day. I returned home and sat with Lena to plan revenge on the lady. Then we set it all up ready, she arrived and I introduced her to m girlfriend, Lena. The lady suddenly became tense and nervous. I purposely tripped over causing the lady to fall, Lena pulled out a survival knife and slit the lady's throat. We placed the body on a chair in the corner of the living room. Tomorrow I'm going to take Lena to World of Water to meet Dave the sturgeon and possibly my next victim.

 

Thursday

Today I got up and made chicken and liver sandwhiches for his and Lena's breakfast. Lena returned home and promised to come back with me after visiting World of Water. Whilst she was gone I visited Iceland to get a TV for decorating the kitchen. After putting the TV in the kitchen I went to pick Lena up to go to World of Water. We went and said hello to Dave, we seen a little girl heading to say hello to Dave too so we sped up and 'accidentally' knocked the little girl down. She got up and ran away crying, me and Lena just ignored her upset and said hiya to Dave. A member of staff named Dan kicked us out and so we decided that we would return tonight before all the staff leave and go home. This is a risky plan but it will work. We returned home and I showed Lena my TV that I bought before we planned what we were going to do. It is now 7:45pm and me and Lena are just entering World of Water. None of the staff members had left yet and so when we entered Dan recognised us and tried to get us to leave again, but we just stood there and waited until the time was right. He headed towards us and so we looked at each other and then pulled out two micro-uzis. We aimed them at Dan and blasted him, then we just shot up the whole place killing all the World of Water staff (except for one because she was only injured she managed to hide behind the counter). Me and Lena just ran off and got in the car and drove off quickly. We didn't realise about the one that hid until we heard someone shout, "Get an ambulance, she's hurt bad!" I couldn't believe it because all the time I've killed in the past I have never left anyone alive. We dumped the car and ran to my house and we lay low for a few days. Until Monday at the least. Lena will be staying with me so that it doesn't cause any problems for her mum.

Friday

Today me and Lena had 3 meals but we just stayed in the house all day.

Saturday

Today Lena and I slept most of the day and still had all the appropriate meals but again we stayed in the house all day out of the sight of anyone but each other.

Sunday

Today me and Lena slept most of the day again and had 3 meals. At night, when it was dark, we chanced going in the back garden to try and get rid of my decorations, just in case we get caught which hopefully we won't. Tomorrow it should be alright for us to chance going out. (My decorations were burned on a bonfire.) Lena will have to go back home and I will have to find a way of making us in the clear. This means killing off the survivor without getting Lena involved so if I get caught she'll be alright still.

 

The End

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