Imagine waking up in a cold room and having no memory of how you got there, imagine that you then realise that you have no memory before waking here until a face stirs thoughts within your tired mind and you're suddenly awake. And the need to find him, find that face is more important than anything else.
Chapter 1 Awake
My first vacant thought, was that I was lying on something unnaturally cold. As if I had not been lying on it long enough for my body to warm it, which is what expected my body to do. I couldn’t move, but I was too tired to focus on that for now. I knew that I was alone, and the thought frightened me although I didn’t know why. The most frightening of my thoughts was that I couldn’t remember anything; my thoughts began at my current situation, ending in a similar predicament. I strained to branch my thoughts outwards, imagining them picking through my brain cells for information but coming up blank. Where memories should be, there was darkness. But then, just as I began to open my eyes bitter flashes of pain, like the feeling of pins and needles started to ripple through my system. My brain was producing memories I had no memory off, the feeling of metal on skin, the feeling of skin on skin. I felt my eyes flutter open in shock and a sickening white light blinded me from above.
I closed my eyes again, reliving the memories in order to find a purpose, a name because mine was somehow forgotten. I could remember, cold, pain and darkness but not my name. Did I have one?
I did not know. I fought back the feeling of nausea and felt my eyes roll beneath their lids as I continued in my search for answers; the bright light was not worth opening my eyes again. I guessed that I was in a hospital; the smell of cleaning products and rubber gloves was like a presence in this room with me. The air in here was still, unvisited. The person I was, whoever she was – for I was sure I was a girl, was unvisited. What did that mean?
My eyes suddenly stung with tears, and an abrupt memory flooded through my mind. I wanted to laugh in wonder at the face I saw. How beautiful he was, how handsome his features were. My memory of him was blunt; it created such a burning desire in my heart that it forced my eyes open. My eyes needed to see that face for themselves. I could not remember his name yet, but I knew I would. His face was important I knew that much. Where was he? Why wasn’t he with me?
I slid off the hospital bed, cringing as the paper crackled and hissed. Long brown hair swooped forwards over my shoulders and down my chest, soft and long. I ran my fingers through it trying to remind myself that this must be mine. The cold floor of the room felt like ice as I stepped down from the bed, there was cabinets lining the concrete coloured walls, and everywhere was spotlessly clean. I had been dressed in a paper dress, the back cut upwards to the nape of my neck, and tied in a secure bow.
I couldn’t remember having other clothes, but I knew this dress was inappropriate. The cold air clung to my naked skin, making me shudder and I was suddenly very aware of the taste in my mouth. My lips were dry and my tongue raw. I tried to remove the taste as I made my way shakily to the door of the room.
My fingers felt like they would stick to the handle of the door as I pushed it open, everything was so cold.
The same familiar face burst into my vision, he wasn’t there but I felt him. Like a memory triggered, he was smiling, my breath caught the more I looked at him. His face was so beautiful to me, I wondered whether he were real. I had to find him.
I walked with more urgency, for signs of other people. I needed answers, I needed him. Walking in my direction was a doctor, or so he looked like one. His dull green scrubs crunched as he walked, he had a complacent, content smile on his face which dropped when his icy blue eyes saw me. He dropped the clip board he was holding and gasped so loudly it rebounded off the wall.
“I-I” I began, realising I had no name to give. I held my hand out, pleading. I felt dizzy, my mouth dry and my lungs solid. The doctor came forward to catch me as I fell, suddenly feeling too weak to move. My heart beat poorly in my chest but I could hear it, in my ears. Thump, thump, thump, thump.
“It’s alright” The doctor said, his flaming red hair, a haze above his head as I began to drift into unconsciousness. “Everything will be fine.” I felt the sudden motion of moving back and forth as he carried me and the air became tinted and warm.
There was softness beneath me and I recognized the feeling of a mattress and pillows. I could hear frantic gasps and breathing. I wanted to know what was going on, but my eyes were firmly shut, in my mind’s eye that beautiful face continued to gaze at me, mirroring my wonder back at me.
“She woke up in the morgue...” the red haired doctor was saying. He swiftly opened one of my eyelids and shone a bright light there. It hurt, but my voice could barely croak in protest.
“Oh how awful! Will she remember anything?” a woman’s voice was now talking, she had a kind voice, full of concern. I really wanted to see her face. They were tugging at my cold arms with hot hands, there was a pulling sting in my arm.
“We can’t be sure” the doctor replied. He had his warm hand on my wrist. “She is very cold...hook her up. I'm going to run some tests...make sure that she is going to be alright.” His hand left my wrist and I heard the crunching of his scrubs as he left.
“There, there Sugar” her kind voice was near my ear. Something soft and large pressed on my forehead. I fluttered my eyes open and I saw her greying hair, pulled back off her face. Her large brown eyes were bright, she smiled.
“Is everything ok?” I asked, my voice sounded unfamiliar to me. I strained to keep my eyes open. The light bounced off the walls, blinding me. The mattress beneath me felt unbelievably soft.
“Yes, everything is fine. You must rest” I saw her face again, but then the light was extinguished and so was my will to stay awake. The faint sound of a door closing reached my ears.
Through my dreams I tried to find my way through my forgetfulness. I tried to find out what my name was, but there was another direction my mind continued to wander, my heart too, seemed to will the desire to find that face - that guy, his brown eyes wide, and his handsome smiling face. My body reacted to the memory immediately, however I couldn’t remember him at all. His face, for whatever reason was my only solace as I watched my room darken until my eyes were completely shut, sleep was a welcome oblivion I gratefully slipped into.