Introducing the inter-Galactic Pub Quiz Master of the 16th Known Earths...Mature

There are many fascinating and wild stories of how the Querolous Quisling of Appradorn got his name. As his biographer and author of "The Continuing Adventures of the Querolous Quisling of Appradorn, Last of the Warrior Priests of Craznabar" I can categorically state that they are all complete tosh.

It's a mouthful, awkward to spell at speed and the signature for it just will NOT fit on a GEMMA-Tech Space Credit Card, no one in their right mind would choose it as a name. Unfortunately it was hereditary, so the Querolous Quisling of Appradorn was forced to continue to use it for reasons of family honour. Friends called him Quiz. There are many reasons for this, the main being that he answered to it and that it was much easier than calling him by his full name. It was also true (and has often been said) that the man himself is something of a cipher, an enigmatic, private man, with a voracious hunger for knowledge.

Amongst the many honours and titles he held, his most prized was that of the inter-Galactic Pub Quiz Master of the 16 Known Earths (comprising Salty Earth, New Earth, Rainbow World Will Live In Peace Earth (now a Communist dictatorship), Earth II, Blue Earth, Red Earth, Green Earth, New Earth II, Really the Only Earth, Original Earth, the One and Only Earth, Obscenely Polluted Earth (previously known as Paradise), Urth, Aerth, Haven't We Already Named One Earth? and earth from 3574 AD to date (3894AD))

It was his thirst for knowledge that powered him across the length and breadth of the known Galaxies and very often out into the unknown Galaxies. He excelled in all manner of sciences, was the last and allegedly greatest of the Warrior Priests of the secret order of Craznabar, a crack shot with most known handguns and a fair fencer (with a sword - gardening was in fact one of the few areas in which he did not excel)  There's never been anyone else like him, the best match would be from late 20th century fiction (a mix of Indiana Jones and Lara Croft, look them up if you're that interested!)

It was during one of his quiet, reflective periods following a successful adventure into the unknown Galaxy Mirrabinyon (now Known and charted thanks to Quiz) that the Dolphin advisor's message from Zawg, was received.

It found Quiz in a bar. The bar was small, dimly lit and smelt bad. It was crammed to capacity with the usual mix of species from across the Known Galaxies that you got in any spaceport. Imagine (if it helps) the sort of bar you’d see in the film Alien but fill it with the sort of creatures you’d see in Star Wars. Better? Now focus! In the hustle and bustle, amid the cacophony of screeches, squeaks, grunts and various farting noises, hidden in the milling around which may or may not have been attempts to dance, in a corner darker and quieter than the rest of the bar… see him? One of a bare handful of humans in the bar and almost totally unnoticed sipping a Loonalally Spirit Whisky is the Querolous Quisling of Appradorn, last of the deadly Warrior Priests of Craznabar.

A chance lull in the roar of the mildly drunk crowd briefly allowed the strains of Hot Chocolate’s “I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper” to carry across the length of the bar. Quiz (as he is known to his friends) twitched his lips into a vaguely ironic smile, Bobbiey the hermaphrodite licensee of the Titan MMCXVII  always played this song when Quiz stepped in for a drink. Quiz continued to do his best to avoid their advances. He took another sip of his whiskey and grimaced at the taste before stopping and arranging his face so that his lips weren’t twitching or grimacing, people would think he was having some sort of seizure if he wasn’t careful.

Before he could set this look in stone, his GEMMA-Tech wrist-based Comms Unit flashed into life, causing his eyebrows to shoot up in surprise. A native of Grabbamarli (think giant crab with 6 extra sets of pincers, oozing a black slime that stank like bleach) leaned in to ask if he was having some sort of seizure.

The eyebrows came down into an angry frown and Quiz put the Grabbamarlian in their place with a fantastic put down, "Kreeeaakk, Qwaaazzzark Marrpppin" (of course he was fluent in ALL major alien languages, although many only spoke English at this point in history). Then, honour maintained, he left for his ship, the Hyperdymentially Challenged 7, blasting off at his fastest speed for Zawg, taking five minutes to send a message to his house Pet-Servant Ig-Mouse that he'd been diverted and for Ig-Mouse to keep his grievously mutated hands off of Quiz's brandy whilst he was gone.

There are many dangers that inhabit the known Galaxies, most known but some still managing to lurk unseen, hiding in the shadows between worlds or in the glare of suns. Of course the situation wasn't helped by adventurers going out and discovering new galaxies teeming with new and dastardly life forms vehemently opposed to the expansion of the human race. Quiz was an experienced traveller and managed to avoid the more time consuming of these creatures, usually by the efficient method of zapping anything that came near his beloved inter-Galactic Ship. A gazillion Kigahertz of pain was generally enough to make anyone back off and observe the Laws of Space.  It took him just three days to reach Zawg (incidentally causing the extinction of 5 different types of ravening alien en route)

With a gentle sigh he parked the Hyperdymentially Challenged 7 into orbit around Zawg.

The End

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