A Brief Diversion Through The Past 1Mature

There are many stories about Ohujamaflop Woppsipp, and quite possibly the most interesting would be the story of how he got his name, unfortunately nobody knows how or why he ended up as Ohujamaflop and it’s probably one of those mysteries that the celebrated mists of time are wise to conceal.

Ohujamaflop Woppsipp, son of Donald and Geraldine Woppsipp, was born in the year 2216 on the first Earth (long before it was smashed into a tiny undetectable paste, like a chocolate bar smeared around a 2 year old’s mouth.) He was human, and English, although by the 23rd century the nation states of the period were pretty redundant, society across the planet having devolved into alliances of those who loved Mar Mit, a brown, yeast-based spread or those who loathed Mar Mit. But Ohujamaflop was born with a rather unusual condition caused, it was tentatively hypothesised, by both his parents having served on the “hot” frontline in Nuclear World War III (for the record, those that loved Mar Mit launched their nukes first). The massive doses of radiation poisoning they received whilst serving their preferred, yeast-based spread alliance and the horrific medical treatments they received after returning from the front were believed to be the reason Ohujamaflop was the first (and, currently at least, the last) human being to be born immortal.

People were very upset. It was felt that it was rather poor form and that the deaths of 17 billion people, dying from the various lingering effects of the Nuclear World War or direct combat should not really be topped off with someone being granted eternal life. Even more people were upset that it was impossible to recreate exactly the conditions, dosages of radiation and medicines to replicate the feat.

People were very unkind to the poor, young Ohujamaflop, he suffered at the hands of bullies for his stupid name and others took it upon themselves to try to disprove his immortality. Being shoved into oncoming traffic regularly, one can only assume, left the poor boy with issues. However, his Mother and Father loved him and provided a stable, loving family for him and he grew up a reasonably normal child (apart from the immortality thing anyway, and the fact that he could never cross a road without screaming in terror). Eventually, he went to University.

He studied diligently for over three hundred years, emerging only for the funerals of his parents until the day he left a painfully thin, but extremely knowledgeable man. Ohujamaflop had a plan (as so few of today’s young people do) and he wasted no time in setting up his first company that specialised in building satellites and space probes. At this point in their history, humanity was so decimated and ravaged by wars over Mar Mit, the correct way to eat an hard boiled egg and whether or not there existed a super-being, who may or may not be God, that the promise of a future amongst the stars was slowly moving further away from becoming a reality with every new faction and argument. The best and the brightest were busy designing new ways to take to pieces the rather fragile cases that people used as bodies and were dying in their droves.

Ohujamaflop Woppsipp was the catalyst that sparked humanity’s sudden and swift ascent into inter-Galactic space. Taking all of his knowledge from disparate branches of science, Ohujamaflop conceived and designed the very first colony starships. The over populated Earth at last had an outlet and started to blast it’s unwanted, uncaring hordes of warring, squabbling humans into outer space at a phenomenal rate.

Ohujamaflop left the Earth in the last wave of colony ships, a whole Universe awaited the immortal and he was determined to plumb it’s mysteries like some sort of galactic handyman. The Known Galaxies, (currently unKnown as far as humanity was concerned) had no idea what was about to hit them.

The End

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