Introducing the Yellow Banded Swizzler...(sort of)Mature

There was once a philosophical question that was much discussed on the first Earth (now long since blown to smithereens and pulverized until nothing bigger than dust remains.) If a tree should fall in the forest and there are none to observe it, does it make a sound? This had over time been replaced by the slightly snappier but less philosophical “in space no one can hear you scream” Which was generally held to be true, however the Yellow Banded Swizzler was fairly certain it could hear someone screaming. Of course technically it wasn’t in space, it was in the rather sumptuous quarters assigned to it on the ship G.E Money, a capital one class star cruiser of the Galactic Empire.

It cocked it’s head and recalibrated it’s ears to the approximate direction of the previous scream. A moment later there was another, louder scream, followed by the sort of gurgle that you or I, with our vivid mammalian imaginations would assume had probably escaped a torn throat, or the perhaps the chest cavity of a member of the crew had been caved in by some nightmarish alien horror story. The Yellow Banded Swizzler merely recalibrated it’s ears following the screaming (oh yes, there was more) and the sounds of rampant destruction.

As it sat, head cocked comically to one side like a little, tin dog it’s mind was racing, calculating. It reached the conclusion (99.8% certainty) that it was due to be kidnapped rather than killed, a ransom of unheard of proportions would be required to free it and it would never be freed, even should this ransom be paid. Although it was a robot (of a sort), the Yellow Banded Swizzler had mastered the unique ability of the sentient to form conclusions when presented with insufficient, incomplete data to solve a puzzle (although it could also be argued that this ability was due to it's unique ancestry, it was rather a bizarre little robot in many ways). It smiled a secret robot (kind of) smile to itself and turned to it’s GEMMA-Tech communication unit, calmly and carefully but above all speedily sending a single message into the darkness of Space just as the doors to it’s quarters were kicked open by a creature that could best be described as a golden haired Spaniel.

Through the living tissue that formed it’s foot pads, the Yellow Banded Swizzler felt the Galactic Empire ship Money falter as it’s engines started to fail. Lights flickered, screaming sirens were brutally silenced and too late by just a second it’s GEMMA-Tech communication unit was killed.

The golden Spaniel-like monstrosity in it’s cabin snarled briefly and the Yellow Banded Swizzler easily understood the words a human would have struggled to interpret. “If you wish to live, you will follow me now Robot.”

Somewhere in the region of 4.17 million possible responses raced through the Yellow Banded Swizzler’s head and it chose it’s next move with all the care of a chess Grand Master, the monstrosity would never know what hit it. “Please, call me Manny.” Manny smiled dazzlingly for extra effect. With another bloodthirsty snarling, and the occasional insane gibbering howl the Spaniel indicated that the Yellow Banded Swizzler should follow it.

Not being given to pointless gestures Manny followed his kidnapper off the G.E Money onto the mercenary ship AitchesBsea, noting the failing ship systems and the torn, shredded and (mercifully) lifeless bodies of the human crew that had failed so miserably in helping him to reach Glen Parva, centre of the Known Galaxy and capital planet of the Galactic Empire. His message to the Empire’s government warning of the disaster about to descend on the unsuspecting and overly confident, mainly human confederation was never going to be delivered. He feared the Darkness of Space was about to make an unexpected and devastating return.

The Spaniels of Boney-O 5 were back!

The End

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