The ColumnMature

I've become a columnist for 'The Daily Protagonist', here is my first article.

I woke up this morning to find myself next to a beautiful woman in my bed. Realising it was my wife, I attempted to get out of bed and dress myself without waking her.

And I succeeded. As far as I can recall, that had never happened before.

Going downstairs, I tried to make myself a sandwich. Upon realising there was no bread, I decided to have toast instead.

Walking back upstairs, I thought how much more efficient the morning routine would be if stairs didn't exist. It would be incredibly simple just to fall from one floor to another without having to go to all the trouble of falling down stairs. That can give you a nasty bruise that.

Brushing my teeth, what fun. Getting all the bits in between, bits that your dentist assure you should be there. I never believe those damn dentists anyway. Always telling you lies. "This filling? Won't hurt a bit," He says with a hardly concealed grin on his face. Washing my face, I thought about washing your face. It hardly comes as a surprise, thinking that people may actually want to splash water on their visage every day. What does it do? Make you look more respectable?

And back down the stairs again. Getting up and groaning in pain from the rather nasty angle of fall (I still haven't worked out the correct one), I went outside. A friend had taken our car for the holiday, so I took the bicycle to work instead.

What a refreshing way to go to work! I'm surprised I don't do it every day. In fact, I think I might. Remind me about that when I get home will you?

Work was fun, as usual. And as usual, my wife greeted me in the usual way. I usually just do the usual as well. But today I was feeling rather not like the usual, or 'unusual' as I have now begun to call it. Does the word 'usual' sound unusual to you now? Sure as hell does to me.

And now it's night time, and I think I may go to bed. So I shall. Probably. Oh, wait, Never Mind the Buzzcocks is on. And it's one I haven't seen!

The End

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