"G equals negative N F E, G equals negative N F E," I chanted over and over again. The old dears sitting at the front of the rickety bus gave me evil looks but I didn't care. Didn't they realise that I was about to face the worst thing known to man?

I narrowed my eyes at them and said the equation again, this time more aggressively. The lady with the red tea cosy on her head's eyes bulged and she looked away awkwardly, shaking her head and muttering under her breath. Probably a complaint about "kids these days."

Her gossiping partner, who I recognised vaguely as the reverend's wife, looked alarmed and tutted loudly. She turned towards Red Tea Cosy Lady and started a loud conversation, beginning with the immortal words, "back in my day...".

Feeling triumphant, I turned back towards my notes. "pH equals half PKA minus half log c," I began chanting, "pH equals half PKA minus half log...oh for the love of aldehydes."

The bus was pulling up outside Fiddlesticks Academy. This was the building where I had spent six torturous years. Today would be the most torturous day of them all.

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