Buy One Get One Free

Oliver pulled at the collar of his shirt, half to relieve stress and half to relieve the... effects... of the previous candidate. Eyeing Tara with only a slight look of worry in his eyes, he exhaled slowly, just as the next candidate wobbled on to the stage.

The man was tall, very tall, almost 8 feet and wobbled like an unstable tower in the wind. He was wearing a beige trench coat, making him look like a huge tube with an unruly tuft of black hair sticking out of the top.

Oliver just slipped his head into his hands and after a few awkward moments that not even a sharp elbow to the ribs could cure, Tara leaned over the the microphone.

"Hello. Could you please state your name and tell us what you will be doing."

The man lurched, then called out in two voices at once. "My name is Jay Ante," there was a grunt, the man squirmed in place and then a single voice continued, "and I shall be performing Edmund, from Scene 2, Act 1 of King Lear."

Oliver's head shot up, a look a desperate hope on his face. Tara looked at him with a concerned expression and decided to just keep silent about her misgivings. Oliver leaned into the microphone.

"Please. Continue."

Two coughs echoed from the stage and then the man began.

"Thou, nature, art my goddess; to thy law my services are bound. Wherefore should I stand in the plague of custom, and permit the curiosity of nations to deprive me..." He spoke, seemingly in harmony with himself.

Oliver looked at Tara, dumbfounded. Tara shrugged.

"Excuse me, I must interrupt. That is an... extraordinary voice you have there Mister, errr, Ante. However, I don't think such a lyrical harmonic is quite what we're looking for, could you perhaps try something else?"

The man lurched and seemed to launch in to an argument with himself. "I told you to let me do the talking. Well I told you I should have done it! Well, I'm doing it now! No I am, I am a serious actor, not some hack like you! Hack, we'll see about that!"

All of a sudden, the man collapsed on stage. Oliver stood up, the platform lurching dangerously beneath him, to see the man opening his coat and two, smaller men clamber out. The colour drained out of his face and he slowly sunk to his chair again, his head in his hands.

"Well, you have to pick one of us!" Jay said.

"Yes! And it should be me!" Ante said, "He isn't half the actor I am!"

The both launched into renditions of the earlier scene, shouting louder and louder to be heard over the other one. The only noise louder was Oliver's sobbing.

"Right you two!" Snarled Tara, leaning in to the microphone. "Bog off!"

The two men jumped, startled by Tara's outburst. "You'll be hearing from our lawyers!" Jay cried. "Indeed! This is discrimination!" Yelled Ante as they stormed off.

When the stage was empty Oliver looked at Tara, red eyed.

"There, there. I'm sure it will be alright." Tara lied, patting him on the back.

Oliver wiped his eyes, cleared his throat and then spoke in the microphone.


The End

61 comments about this story Feed