1. If your best friend breaks up with someone you're interested in, regardless of what your friend says, it's never EVER ok to hit that. EVER... Got it?
2. No matter how "cool" your visible minority friends are with you saying racist jokes, they still get offended. (and even if they don't you're just cultivating habit that may manifest itself at a very inopportune time. Like... around minorities that AREN'T your friends.)
3. Even though it seems to work in movies, Never try to bribe a cop. This goes for the ladies too.
4. If you're talking and someone doesn't seem to be listening, it's probably because they aren't. Stop annoying them and shut the hell up!
5. Regardless of how interesting you think the topic you've traveled to on a tangent in your mind is; your friends are probably still on the original topic of conversation, so don't bring it up you'll just look like an idiot.
Most people don't consider that when you started talking about hotdogs, you went from dogs to buns, from buns to dough, from dough to bad commercials and from bad commercials to "Heh, that shamwow guy's freaking hilarious."