a Collection of Unwritten Rules now Written

1. The rules of the road apply to hallways, sidewalks, and any other such areas people walk across.

1a. Walk on the same side of the hallway/sidewalk/dark alley/whatever that you would drive on. This is especially important on stairs and when going around corners.

1b. Just like roads, places-where-walking-occurs have minimum speed limits. Unlike a road, moving too slow will earn you a punch in the back of the head.

1c. When stopping, pull over to the side of the footway, so that you don't impede the flow of traffic.

1d. Don't try to text and walk, unless you happen to like hospital food.

2. When arriving late for a class/meeting/gathering, sit in the seat closest to the door you entered through. Under no circumstances do you disrupt the timely people by trying to squeeze past them into what you may think is a 'better' seat.

2a. If no seats are available close to the door, work forwards from the back of the room.

3. Open any bags of food before class if you must eat them. And if so much as a crinkle emanates from your bag of chips, be prepared to share. Of all rules to test, this is not one of them.

4. Never respond to a question with an obvious answer in class. Although it may speed up the lecture, you will forever be known as a suck-up.

4a. If you can answer said question with a witty, non-obvious answer, feel free to do so. Just be prepared for a variety of different reactions from your professor.

5. Always complain about your midterms, essays, and exams. No matter how easy they are, they were insurmountable mountains of pure failure for the weeks leading up to them. If you don't complain about any of the aforementioned ordeals, you forfeit all rights to use your studenthood as an excuse or crutch in other situations.

The End

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