Matti was standing at the window, looking down to street. He was nervous and a bit upset. Rae should have been back by now..
He never went out alone. They weren´t supposed to, after all. But he understood that Rae couldn´t follow that rules. She was like a wild animal, nobody could force her to stay within these depressing walls forever. It was dangerous, though, especially for her. She tried very hard, he knew, but she couldn´t just get rid of her past.
It was easier for him, he thought. He didn´t mind staying inside; actually, he started to feel scared once he left the save environment of this shaby flat. He could never forget that THEY were out there, they were looking for him, they were hunting him. Like they did once. One year afterwards, he still started to shiver and feel sick when he just heard somebody mention their names. He woke up in the middle of the night, sweating, suffocating. Their voices, these terrifying loud voices in his head.. The way they were mocking him, their sardonic laughter in his ears - it was still hunting him every night. He would never go out again.
He watched the red autumn leaves dancing on the grey pavement. Even up here, he could smell the fresh air outside, the humid earth, the rotting fruits. He used to love this time of the year. If he could just leave it all behind, fly away. Rewind. Go back to the old times, when he had just left the city behind, gone out to the fields, to the forest, and run. Feel the cold, the rain on his skin. He had always felt so alive, afterwards.
Did he feel anything now? Anything else except for fear and depression? All his positive emotions, all the love and joy had been burried. They had taken it away. He would never be able to love someone again.
Not even Rae.
When he saw her coming round the corner, now, he felt relieved though. He watched her look around, making sure nobody was around when she entered the gate of the backyard. Her cheeks were red from the chilly air and her hair was messy as always. She could have been beautiful, he thought. If they hadn´t destroyed her as well.