Project Fanboy

The report had gone better than expected, the General thought to himself. It wasn't the report that was making him smile now though, no, it was what he had done after.

Before the meeting he had been on the toilet wondering what to do with himself. He was nearing retirement age and this was his last chance to make a real name for himself. By sheer luck he the other high-ranking officers were all busy with the terrorist threat (yet another reason to thank them, perhaps he should send Bin Laden a fruit basket or something? Hmm, perhaps not.) so he'd been selected for this assignment and he was going to make the most of the opportunity.

The boffins had certainly come up something incredible. Exploding people due to sheer obsession, it was crazy but it had given him an idea. Taking some toilet paper from the dispenser he quickly sketched out a plan on the folded pieces. Yes, yes this would do quite nicely. He phoned the boffins and made some arrangements.

Now at the end of the meeting everyone was discussing the implication of what they had just seen. Everyone except the General that is. There was a knock at the door and the General let in a white lab-coat wearing scientist.

"Gentlemen, let me introduce you to Doctor Clyde Mattock. Together we'd like to present you with a new program to related to this very phenomenon that I believe could change the face of modern warfare forever. We will need to hurry because the Canadians might even already have it and this event could have been the first in a wave of a devastating attacks on our great nation!"

The board members stopped panicking and looked up at the general.

"Clyde, the screen if you may."

Doctor Mattock too over the Lieutenants position at the computer and brought up a video feed of a small, fat little boy sat alone in an interrogation room reading a Star Wars comic.

"This boy is currently in a secret nuclear testing facility. Clyde, send in the payload."

Clyde tapped some keys on the keyboard and a man entered the room.

"This gentlemen is a body double of Luke Skywalker, yes, from the Star Wars movies. This boy is literally obsessed with him, he is what the boffins term, a fan boy. Watch what happens."

The boy leaped up from his chair, his mouth flapping open and closed wildly, unable to articulate his excitement. There was a burst of white light and then the video cut out.

"Clyde, would you like to explain?"

"Certainly General. What you just observed was a controlled experiment at weaponising the power of this psychic overload phenomenon. By finding and collecting fan boys and, we believe as evidenced by the Asheyna incident,  fan girls and exposing them to their idols or even authentic looking copies we can create a network of sleeper bombs that can be activated with a simple visit from the catalyst or payload."

A board member spoke up. "That's barbaric! You're talking about suicide bombings!"

"No, no, no. Not at all." The General was quick to interrupt. "These people can live perfectly normal, if somewhat obsession-driven lives. We only put them into play when we need to, like remote detonation mines. Mines, gentlemen, not bombs."

The board members seemed to calm down at that. It's was called suicide bombing, not suicide mining after all so it had to be fine.

"Well, in light of that fact I think we'd like to proceed with development of the project. What was it called General?"

"Project Fanboy, sir"

"Very well, we'll have the paper work drawn up. You'll be well rewarded for this, General. You might have well given Britain the edge it needs to finally get one up on those buggers across the pond! They'll think twice about strong-arming us into anything when a walking bomb could be just around the corner. Haha!"

Doctor Mattock interjected. "First things first, we'll need to round up all the fan boys and girls in the country. While they're out and about we're just as vulnerable to attack as anyone else. A foreign power could send over a celebrity and blow up parliament!"

"My God! They could blow up the Queen!"

"Especially the Queen." The General said. "We need to act fast. Rubberstamp this thing before it gets out of hand, the Canadians might be planning their next attack right even as we speak!"

The Doctor piped up. "General what evidence do we even have that the Canadian government was even involved? This could have been a terrible, random accident!"

"Evidence!? We don't have time for evidence, not when the Queen's life is at stake!" The General yelled. He turned to the board members, a project approval form held out before them. "For every second each one of you don't sign our Queen could be blown up by Canadian agents, is that what you want?"

Project Fanboy was the fastest approved project in British military history.

The End

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