There’s another story about Humpty Dumpty

Far different than Mother Goose rhymed

I heard it in confidence… swore on my grave

Not to tell…(I’m the lying kind…)

The egg had a weakness; his shell was quite thin

It would crack at the simplest bump

So Humpty was constantly seeking repair

Of the part he would land on: his rump

Jack Sprat the optimist told his round friend

Not to worry…”no need to be glummer”

There’s a profession that glorifies ass-cracks, you see

Just go and be Humpty the Plumber!

But back to the secret…(that bit was a yolk)

One day Humpty tried something new

The horsemen’s bandages kept falling off

So he sought out the shoemaker’s glue

It worked, he was held!  He praised the wise shoe man

"That’s shoe glue’s way better than gold"

But Humpty got addicted to the high flying feeling

From sniffing the glue shoe-man sold

The sight isn’t pretty, the scramble-brained egg

Staggers bleary-eyed, fried in the alley

He’s lost all his friends and eventually got

the heave-ho from his girlfriend Sally

Now let’s not cast stones at our friend the good egg

A quick intervention may do well

Or someone could maybe think to invent

A bandage that sticks well to shell

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