Where's That Posh Twit?

Rupert arrived at the hotel with no time to spare. In fact, he was 20 minutes late. He spotted Lance by the food tables. He walked over there, turning faces while he walked. As he looked around at these faces, he saw that they were all the same! Everyone looked like Lance. What the hell was going on here? Was he hallucinating?

A waiter came round to offer him some wine.

"Cheers but nah", said Rupert. "I am allergic to grapes." The waiter walked off, looking slightly bemused. Was he being made fun of?

Suddenly, a loud noise came from the stage. A microphone burst into action, with a loud sqeaking noise that deafened the whole crowd. A bald, pudgy man came onto the stage, cleared his throat and walked off again. No-one knew why. Then another bald, pudgy man (who could have been the first mans twin if it wasn't for the fact that he only had one ear) stepped up to the microphone.

"Good evening, Lance's of all ages!" he said excitedly. The crowd laughed.

"Now as you know, we are here tonight to celebrate the career of Sir Lance Alotus, who before he got here, didn't know that we were planning to surprise him like this. We all dressed up like him to honour his individual syle of work, and more importantly dress!" The crowd laughed. "Lance, come up here!"

The crowd looked around for Lance but no-one was moving. Lance didn't seem to be here. How odd. Rupert was confused. Lance sounded so excited about this social gathering as he called it. The man with the mike spoke again.

"Well, it seems that Lance is either too shy to come up here, or has forgotten to come. Either way, i suggest that we toast to him: To Sir Lance Alotus - The greatest Private Investigator of our generation." The crowd repeated what the man on the stage had said and then carried on enjoying themselves. They didn't know very much about Lance so they must have thought that this behaviour was normal. Rupert, however, knew Lance. Lance wasn't too shy to talk on stage; he loved beng centre of attention and anyone who knew him would know that Lance wouldn't just forget. There had to be some reason why he wasn't here.

Suddenly, there was a scream from a lady in the crowd.

"My husband!" she yelled. "He's dead!" She sobbed desperately while the other PI's looked on worriedly.

"Well do something then!"she screamed. "Your supposed to figure stuff out. Just do it!" She was becoming hysterical.

Then there was another scream followed by many more. Soon, PI's were dropping like flies; even the man on the mike fell and whacked his head on the microphone. After about 10 minutes of screaming and dying, the only people that were left were Rupert Moranne and the waiters. 'The wine', thought Rupert. Everyone had the wine.

"This is just too much!" cried the waiter that had offered Rupert a drink. "I only did this for the money and now look whats happened. I need a drink." As the waiter said this, he picked up some wine from the table he was leaning on. He put the glass to his mouth and was about to down it in one when Rupert leapt across the room and knocked the glass from his hand.

"What did you do that for?" exclaimed the waiter. "If you're so desperate for some wine, go get some yourself!" He was now thouroughly annoyed.

"I'm allergic to wine you idoit! It's been poisoned or something and thats why they all died. You didn't drink the wine, I didn't drink the wine. Neither of us are dead!" Rupert was surprised at how much sense he was making. He normally didn't have a clue what was  going on. If you lived next door to a zoo, and the elephant escaped into your garden and ate your petunias, he would take a look at the footprints and say he'd have to get back to you.

The waiter looked at him in awe. "How do you know that?"

"I'm a PI you plonker!"

"Excuse me, but you don't look like one!" said the waiter on his unusual attire.

"Whatever floats ya boat mate. Now you call the police and i'll get the hell out of here!"

"Why? Did you poison the wine?"

"No, you dumbo. I'm gonna go look for our mate Lance." Rupert sighed. He was normally the dumb one, so it was nice to have role-reversal for once.

"Oh, Alright then." With that, Rupert sprinted off into the night,

The End

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