Scene 3

*Curtain rise

The scene opens on the bridge of spaceship similar to that of a star trek ships bridge which is facing towards the audience. Captain carbon is in the captain’s chair facing the audience and there’s a rusty old robot at the tactical station. The Dwyers and Mr. Turnakey are all sitting in lawn chairs on the bridge.The federation logo is hanging over the door that exits the bridge in the back.

*Cloves walks over to a window on the side

Cloves:

What about Mr.Smith we have to go get him they’ll kill him down there. We should turn around and pick him up.

Barb:

Are you freaking kidding me, how are we going to get him when he’s right here. (points to captain carbon) Are you really that thick, you can’t even see what’s right in front of you.

Carbon:

You must forgive her Cloves. She’s clearly upset that we had to leave him, I think she’s suffering from the 10th step of depression: Denial. She Refuses to accept that John smith is dead. While I on the other hand am in the 4th step: grieving. (Begins to cry) John Smith was one of the bravest, most kindest, and bestest friend I’ve ever had. He took me in and hid me from everyone. And now he’s paying the price for his actions. I wish we could go back for him, but I think he was killed in the attack. (walks over to window and looks out) To you my dear friend I owe everything. (Puts hand up in salute) It’s been an honor serving with a man like you. You will be officially commended for your efforts at F.O.O.L.S. headquarters.(walks back to seat)

Barb:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! You too! You are John Smith For pete’s sake! What do you mean he was your best friend. You are him.

*Cloves goes over to her and begins to hug her

Cloves:

There there dear, I’m not quite sure who pete is but we all miss John. You don’t have to go take it out on the Captain. This isn’t his fault. John knew the risks and he made the decision himself. Yelling won’t bring him back sweetheart.

Mr.Turnakey:

Don’t worry Mrs.Dwyer you're not the only sane person here. I know where John really is.

*Barb rushes over to Mr.Turnakey and picks him up and spins him around

Barb:

Oh thank you, thank you I thought I was going crazy for a second there. I thought somehow I was the only intelligent being left in this part of the galaxy.

Mr.Turnakey:

Yes clearly John was taken captive by those whatchamacallit’s. He’s probably being tortured as we speak.

*Barb drops him abruptly, and walks into a corner holding herself

Barb:

So it is true, I am the last intelligent lifeform left. I’m all alone(Curls into a ball), all by myself, no one else left.

*Sounds of laser blasts hitting the ship

Carbon:

What was that? Greasalgon, what just hit us (looks back at the robot at tactical). Greasalgon?

Greasalgon! Oh, you always decide to boot down at the worst possible moments, now I have to wait another two minutes for my tactical information.

*another blast hits the ship, there’s a beeping and dr.oid’s voice comes on over the speakers

Dr.Oid:

Captain Carbon, prepare to surrender the chicken!

Carbon:

(looking up at an imaginary screen in front of him)

No, It’s my chicken, mine, mine,mine, you hear me all mine!(in a pouting voice)

Mr.Turnakey:

Hey you, What did you do with Mr.Smith? You better not be torturing him. He owes me a lot of credits you know.

Dr.Oid:

Prepared to be destroyed!

Carbon:

Greasalgon, end the transmission! Greasalgon? (looks back at the robot which clearly hasn’t work for years) What the heck, your recharging cycle should be done by now. Oh I see, you’re giving me the silent treatment, aren’t you? Well fine then.

*walks over to tactical and pushes greasalgon to the side

Carbon:

I’ll do it myself then.

*sound of monitor shutting off, carbon goes back to chair

*Sound of blast hitting ship

Carbon:

Evasive maneuvers!(looks back at tactical) Oh, yeah.

*Goes behind his chair and pulls out a steering wheel

*begins to steer with it in the air

Cloves:

Is there anything I can do Captain?

Carbon:

Yes you can go and man tactical, at least until greasalgon decides to cooperate, and stop being such a baby.

Barb:

Clearly he doesn’t work any more and by the looks of it he hasn’t worked for years. Are you really that dumb?

Cloves:

You’ve got it Mr. Carbon!

Carbon:

Alright Mr.Dwyer, give em heck!

*sounds of laser fire between the two ships, the bridge shakes a bit and sparks and smoke are coming out of various consoles on the walls.

*Carbon runs over to a console

Carbon:

It looks like they’re weapons are failing, but they are locked on to us with a tractor ray. It looks like they’re about to board us.

*Barb finally gets up from her fetal position

Barb:

Well if they’re going to come in then we’re going to have to fight them. And since nothing else in this universe makes any sense hand me your garlic cloves. (she looks at cloves who hasn’t been paying attention) Cloves! Cloves!

Cloves:

What!

Barb:

I said hand me your garlic, so I can fight these monsters.

*Cloves pulls some garlic out of his pocket

Cloves:

Okay, but sweetheart garlic only fends of monsters like vampires and werewolves. Not aliens like the kerosenians.

Barb:

Ugh, Well I did say nothing in the universe made sense anymore. I mean we might as well just fight them with guns that shoot out groundhogs.

Carbon:

(Facepalms himself) Of course how could I forget. The standard issue groundhog guns in the weapons locker. Just a sec I’ll go get them.

*runs out the door in the back of the bridge

Barb:

So wait, do they shoot like actual groundhogs?

Cloves:

I don’t know sweetie, i’m just as clueless as you.

Barb:

(aside) I’m definitely not nearly as clueless as you are?

Mr.Turnakey:

(who has been looking at a console for the past few minutes) Hey..um guys I think we’re getting a bit too close to that star.

Barb/Cloves:

What star?

Mr.Turnakey:

And I think those things are coming in.

*door on the stage right side of the cabin opens up with bright light shining through

*captain carbon comes back in through the same door he left carrying an assortment of weapons

Carbon:

Don’t worry guys I found them! (he starts handing out groundhog guns)

Barb:

Oh, so they shoot stuffed groundhogs, of course they do cause that makes even more sense.

Carbon:

Well of course, they’re not like these photon cannons, disintegration rays, and lasers. (throws them out of the door into the star) Worthless every last one.

Barb:

Wha..what did you jus...(falls to her knees hopelessly)

*the warthogs and dr.oid come through the door, and a fight begins

Dr.Oid:

Prepare to be eliminated!

*warthogs begin attacking the crew, and the crew fights back with garlic and groundhog guns

*the fighting continues with both sides shouting out orders to each other

*the crew begins to win pushing back the enemy towards the door

Mr.Turnakey:

Push them out, the star will kill them. They’ll all burn up!

*dr.oid begins pushing and shoving his subjects to avoid the door one by one they begin falling out with occasional screams until two are left

Carbon:

It’s time to finish this. Greasalgon, Greasalgon get attack mode! Greasalgon? Still giving me the silent treatment hugh no matter. Because (grabs the chicken) you will never ever ever never get this(dangles it in front of Dr.oid). Now push them out the door!

*Carbon and the others push the kerosenians out of the door but before

Dr.oid:

If I’m going down I’m taking that precious oil with me!(grabs the chicken from carbon as he falls out)

Carbon:

Oh no!

Turnakey:

My money!

Barb:

Well, would you look at that all of this for nothing, it’s all over.

*Cloves goes over to carbon trying to comfort him

Cloves:

Well there’s nothing more you could have done sir. It’ll be ok, it’s all over now.

Carbon:

It’s not over, it will never be over until that chicken is safe. There’s only one thing to do. (grabs a chunk of ice from behind tactical station) I must put on my heat protection suit and go get the chicken back!

Barb:

Are you crazy! That thing won’t protect you and how are you planning to wear it.

Carbon:

With my handy super industrial strength tether cable!(pulls out a rope)

*carbon ties the rope around him and the ice block and ties the other end to the captains chair

Cloves:

I don’t know Mr.Carbon even I would have to agree with barb on this one. This doesn’t look like it’s going to end well.

Carbon:

(puts hand on cloves)It’s all right son as long as I believe than I can make it.

Cloves:

I’m not sure that’s how it wor...(gets cut off)

Carbon:

No, no dear friend all i need is positive thinking. As long as I have that I will be safe from the heat.

Turnakey:

You do realize that it’s like 24,479,540 degrees right?

Barb:

Even you can’t be that dumb.

Carbon:

Greasalgon, if I don’t return in ten minutes fly them away ok. Farewell dear friends although I expect to be back in a few minutes. (jumps out door)

*after a couple of seconds the rope snaps and there’s a scream from Captain carbon

Barb:

What do you know he is that dumb.

*curtain

 

The End

0 comments about this story Feed