I am walking down the drab ugly hall behind the equally drab ugly werewolf man.
I was getting hungry, and I was hoping there was better blood than his to feast on.
I am so sexy that I couldn't resist sashaying down the hall, displaying my exquisitely tight buns to the inferior beasts whose eyes I could see gleaming out of the darkness.
At the end of the hall, the ugly werewolf man threw open this huge double thickness oaken door, covered with indecipherable carvings.
The door opened out into .. the outdoors? This confused me. My gorgeous, beautiful head was not designed for complicated thinking. It's just supposed to look good.
To cover my confusion, I grabbed the werewolf man by the neck, and hoisted him up to my eye level. It is inconceivable that my confusion should be perceived to be stupidity.
That would not be a good thing. My sexiness would be marred by the rumour that I might be wonderful - but stupid.
"Take me to your leader!" I screamed down his throat. I'd always loved that line from the classic "Aliens on Earth" B movies.
"I am Here," said a sultry, slinky voice, right ahead of me in the moonlight. "Put him down." She ordered, with some authority. I stared into those glowing green eyes, and all but melted with desire.
I held on to the man another moment longer, to show that it was the incredibly sexy vampire that was still in control, and not the incredibly sexy woman.
As she came toward me in the moonlight, I could see that she was wearing nothing at all.
No wait. She was wearing a light fur wrap around her shoulders - with a furry hood. No wait. She was wearing a furry skirt.
No wait. She was wearing a - TAIL!
Now I've been known to chase a pretty piece of tail in my lifetime, but this was ridiculous.
I'm not a blood connoisseur or anything, particularly if I'm hungry, but I draw the line at hairy legged women. And this one was a really really hairy legged woman.