The boat was hardly worthy of my being. Were it not for the fact that I held back a bit for the female (and some male) passengers' sake, surely the rusted old thing would have exploded from overloaded sexiness.
That being said, most of the passengers were not human. Those that were had their own spot in the snack bar menu, and were blissfully unaware of the fact that my sexiness, was, in fact, supernatural. You see, Teh Smex operates its own cruise line. As odd as this may seem, it is extremely convenient. First of all, us sexy, inhuman beasts didn't have to worry about being exposed, at least for the day. Second of all, were the ship to sink, there were plenty of wolf-men on board to throw out the weakest passengers in order to save the rest. Third, the Mermaid representative, who goes by the completely original and not-stolen-from-Disney name Ariel, has a thing for the ocean. Who would have guessed?
As I huddled in my disgusting hotel room of a suite, I made sure to write a bit of poetry of my journal on account of the fact that all vampires are emo. Case in point:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I am so sexy
But I hate you
As I innocently edited my masterpiece, there was the clack of a door opening and a glimmer of the accursed light crept into the room. Shouting curses at the intruder and holding my pen in front of me for self-defense, I dodged out of the way of the sunbeam. Sparkliness is so last season.
But, before I had a chance to honorably fight my adversary, a small vial was thrown at me. As it crashed against my rock-hard abs, a few drops of clear liquid came out. Just as I was about to ask what sort of attack that was, there was a terrible burning in my (rock-hard) abs and I fell unconscious, collapsing gracefully onto the floor.
(The holy water myth is another truth. The clergy is just jealous of my sexiness.)
When I came to, the first thing I noticed was that I was, again, on dry land. The floor didn't rock as it had in my so-called suite, though I was in a similarly drab room. Were I to decorate it, it would have been much nicer. The second thing I noticed was that there was a particularly ugly man staring at me and intruding on my personal space. "You're The, right?" he growled in a completely un-sexy voice.
"Ah, a fan! No need for the kidnapping, I would have autographed anything for you willingly!" I cried in a completely sexy voice.
"I am not a fan," he snarled, showing razor-sharp teeth which I had so obviously copyrighted. "I am a werewolf. You stole my girlfriend."