In New York, secrets spilled through the streets like a venomous flood. It was no secret that everyone knew everything about everyone. Word traveled fast of the suicide of Harper Herrings. Although it didnt really effect Crimson or I, there was a wistful feeling hanging over his penthouse.
When I arrived outside of the bulding that housed the massive apartment, Crimson was already there. A cigarette dangled from between his fingers, dyed black hair shielding him from the world.
I approached with a smile, held out my hand. When Crimson handed me the burning cigarette, I took a greedy drag. The smoke stung at my lungs, teased my throat as it slithered back out.
"Hey," I mumbled as I passed it back. Crimson did not respond, only forced a smile. His pale green eyes were looking anywhere but at me; I was left to wonder if there was something more on his mind.
"Baby," I said in a soothing voice. I took a hesitant step towards him, placing my hands on his chest. He was wearing a tight black tee with a silver cross stitched on the breast. Little ironies, I supposed. "Baby, please talk to me."
"I'm fine," The reply was instant.
I let out a sigh. "Crimson, I know you better than that."
That got a smile out of him, nevermind how weak. Flicking the butt into the street, he reached out and tugged me into his arms. "I just feel like I'm losing my best friend," he said into my hair. "If Trevor gets clean he'll only look down upon me."
I nodded, because there was nothing to say. Trevor had kept more secrets from Crimson than he would ever know. And so had I. Three years later Crimson still didnt know of the way Trevor has do tenderly drawn his hands across my skin, drowned out screams and moans in a thousand kisses. How he had held me as I shook and whispered my name into the shadows.
I did not think of Trevor, not anymore. He was nothing more than a thing of the past, a memory blurring like chalk on the pavement. No longer did I lust for him. Crimson was all I wanted now.
And I had him, didnt I? Crimson had stood at my side for so long, I doubted I would know what to be without him. Maybe it was wrong to keep my past a secret. Or maybe I was only protecting what I could never let slip away.
"Want to go upstairs?" I asked him then, stepping back so I might look upon his beautiful fave.
Crimson leaned in to press his lips to my forehead. "I'm sorry, baby. I sort of just want to be alone."
I felt as though there was a butcher's knife driven int my heart, yet I kissed him goodbye and turned away. My steps on the pavement pounded through my mind, like the dull beats of my heart, covering up my lies, my longings, and my love that was both holding me together and tearing me apart.