The silence was reverberating, the dark oh so inviting. My hands grasped the icy rim of the bathroom sink like it was all that was keeping me from floating away. I was almost tempted to let go and see what might happen.
There is something unnerving about watching your reflection. After a while, the face I'd come to know,the blue eyes and pale skin, and lips that never quite brought themselves to smile, started to morph into something unfamiliar. The blue streaks of my white hair started to blur with the crystals of tears now stinging my eyes.
"C'mon, Harper," I whispered aloud. "No sense in crying now." Out the window, I knew, the city was going on. Millions of people were living their lives. Where was Willow, I wondered? Possibly with her new boy. Finding happiness like she did, because she was so, so much stronger than me.
And where was Riley? That beautiful angel who had drawn me to him with such promise of salvation. Redemption, for me, yes, but also for himself. Because we were both so broken.
But broken could not heal broken, and in the end I had only caused him more pain. In the lonely comfort of the bleached bathroom walls, in the solitude of the locked door and closed curtains, I could admit that to myself. I should have known it would go too far. I should have stopped it before it had the chance.
Even now, I could feel his lingering touch, fingertips sparking flames across my bare skin. In Riley's arms passion and poison had so easily blended. Withering away had felt so blissful. But I had could not be his, not when I didnt even know who I was. Riley deserved perfection, and I was nowhere close.
I would set him free, then. Tearing my gaze from the mirror, I reached for the bag resting on the floor. Heavy and light all at once, somehow, like my heart. I tore it open and ventured into the depths for the monster awaiting within.
The gun was cool in my hand, gleaming from the reflection of the lights. Final. Absolute when I was so unsure. I didnt know what might be waiting behind the thin veil of life, only that it had to be better than the apathy here.
My eyes closed. The barrel found its way to my temple, icy like the touch of a loveless lover. I felt my teeth sink into my bottom lip, relief of pain keeping out thoughts of Riley. The agony was fleeting, slipping away.
I pulled the trigger.